The Bedroom Sessions

The (un)Silent Observer

2012-01-26T13:08:00.000+08:00

The world was on fireNo one could save me but youStrange what desire will make foolish people doI never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you
If you're a proud owner of a DSLR, be prepared to be excluded from the shots that you take, memories that you would want to physically (or rather, digitally) own. Most of the time, you'll be the one that knows how to work it best, and have the skills to take a seemingly picturesque shot.. unless of course you pass it on to someone and turn it to Auto mode.
You view things as a third person, and taking the third person's perspective means that you get to see everything that's happening; from the way the butterfly lands on a type of fauna, to the fine details of a person's face when s/he smiles; the wrinkles that reflect the person's life experiences, the dimples that hide behind the chubby cheeks and the crooked teeth that seem to fit so well with the person's face.. it's all crystal.

You go home and you review the pictures you've taken on your Mac and decide to do a little refining with Lightroom - a touch of colour here, change the contrast there, maybe remove some of those pesky blemishes on your friends who have warned you to QC the photos before they get published somewhere. Ever so often, you'd have perfect pictures that really don't need any editing at all. That makes life so much easier now, doesn't it?

Once you're done, you take one last look at the pictures in your folder before publishing them on Facebook. Of course you'd want them to be perfect, you are the one who took the photos afterall, right? You don't want to come off as a photographer that has all the lenses and years of experience to still be able to come up with slipshod shots. No, you don't want that. You scrutinise each photo thoroughly, to make sure that it's completely flawless. You're a perfectionist, and nothing that comes from you should be of sub-standards.

Okay, the moment's here. You've managed to find the "Add photos" button after trying to navigate the new Timeline on Facebook for the past 10 minutes. You select all the photos and tick the high definition option. Hopefully that will at least salvage the quality of the shots that you have meticulously put so much effort into. Publish photos, and now wait for the number of notifications to jump.

It's 3pm, and everybody's on Facebook in between classes. Some of your friends missed class and have just woken up. Being millenials, their first task of the day is to check their social networking sites, so pretty much everyone is awake and on Facebook. Your notifications stream in like the number of times Annabel Chong has had sex at one go. You get excited and check all of them at once.

"Hey is that you licking James' nipples at last night's party, Max? What the hell? LOL"

"OMG check out the guy in the background staring at you. He's totally checking your boobies out."

"I don't remember this."

"WHAT. THE. FUCK."

"Great photo, babe. x"

"Aw this makes me look so good, thanks hon!"

So the general consensus is that you did a a pretty fine job. But that doesn't come off as surprise to you, does it? You've been in this for a long while now and you've got quite a lot of experience.

"You're the best photographer I know!"

But that's all you'll ever be. You'll just be known as the "best photographer" and that's that. It's like a zone that you can never get out of. People will remember you as "the photographer" and the go-to person when they need someone to shoot them.

And that's all there is to it. You're the silent observer behind the lens, watching everything happen before your eyes, not always being able to be part of the photo. But you know everything that goes on, you hear and see everything. There are times you don't want to, but you're just sucked into it anyway. You either give up photography altogether, or hide yourself in a hole where nobody can find you.

Oh well.

2012

2012-01-01T08:08:00.001+08:00

After a scrumptious Christmas cum New Year dinner that my friends and I clearly cooked for more than what we can chew (pun intended), we physically looked back in our timelines to put the pieces of lessons we've picked up over the years. I think it's the first time in a long while that I spent NYE sober.

I pondered over what lies ahead after my friends left my place. I've decided on a new motto to live by: what you don't know won't kill you.

May we make more mistakes and learn from them. Take risks. Chances are, they're worth it. Happy new year.

Your Changes Have Been Successfully Made!

2011-12-30T05:39:00.003+08:00

Closed my mouth, words fall out.

Come on say, what it's about.

You can tell, if something's wrong.

I've been here, but I've been gone.

I can't even remember when you left. But what I do remember, was how apprehensive I felt with your departure. It wasn't just pure sadness, but a lot of thought went into what was about to happen. I was not for it, but I bit my tongue like I always do when it comes to you. I knew exactly what was going on between the both of you, and you needed a new environment; one that isn't so stifling and, as I've recently found out, one that isn't so.. connected. You've outgrown the box that Singapore has confined you to, and your walls were about to break open.

That much, I understand.

We had our quarrels, our fist fights and hair-pulling, our version of screaming competitions.. but we always made up one way or another - be it through an intervention of a certain parental figure, or by just brushing it off and pretending nothing ever happened. We were still strong. It was pretty silly when you think about it, huh? I blasted music that you liked to the point where the ones in our neighbouring rooms had to intervene and tell me to keep it down. But I always said that it wasn't just for me, but for you too.

The small, ridiculous past-midnight cravings we'd have and discuss over the internet when we were just a few metres away from each other.. and then meeting up in Le Pantry to cook whatever we could find in the dry shelf or refrigerator. "Cook extra, I'm feeling hungry," you'd say. And then we end up gobbling it down within minutes, before heading back to slumber.

Like a muse to a designer, your influenced rubbed heavily off me. Everything you liked, was cool. You, were cool; the coolest person ever. I vowed to follow closely in your footsteps, and then make you proud of me. We were inseparable as I got more matured. We were supposed to have each other's back, on the same ground.

I never knew your dream was to live on foreign soil. You didn't let me in on that. It came as a surprise when you decided to pack your bags one day and leave. Life happened, I guess. That's the best possible explanation. Both of us increasingly lived in our own worlds, our own rooms, guarded by our own walls. Slowly, but surely, we drifted. It was inevitable. Coming home at 5am on drunken nights and landing myself on the toilet floor wasn't exactly the person you knew either.

The new found liberty after the pubescent years got to me, and exposed me to the world that you were once a part of. My eyes were finally fully opened to what you experienced when I was still standing at 1.2m tall. It was seductive. It was addictive.

And then there were nights when new characters (to me) whom have been a part of you saw me in a different light. I was no more that irritating brat. I was on par with you. I felt like someone, and I liked it. We liked it, because our conversations were no longer about how many fries I eat at one go, or about how we should really stop being rude to our elders, although sometimes we both couldn't help it.

Our conversations started circling about the future and about our unhappiness. They were on a different level of maturity that you so long yearned for. It was finally materialising, and your little boy was no longer young and naive, but evolved with a mind of his own. Only then, did we finally grow together.

When you got on that plane, I knew things were going to be different; not just with me, or you, but with everything and everyone else too. The room was left unoccupied for a very long time, and sometimes I would go in and sit on your bed, and reminisce. Like a dozen uncirculated short films playing one after another in my head, sometimes I would shed a tear, and other times, I would manage a smile.

Years went by, and I started to forget how you sounded. I started to forget how you looked, how you smiled with your enviable set of perfectly aligned teeth, your ridiculously Elmo-like giggle, your ability to rationalise just about anything (without having to doubt the least bit); your absence made way for a familiar stranger into my life. I didn't really like it. In fact, I was hostile for a good year or two. I didn't like how it felt like you were being replaced (not saying you were, but that was how I personally felt).

We ate together less. I was home less; and even if I was, my walls grew thicker. But it wasn't just mine, but everyone else's as well. The satellites were malfunctioning and communication was breaking down. Behind closed doors, grew a regrettable distance between myself and everyone. Slowly, nobody really talked and turned to consuming media like a hungry pack of wolves. I've never understood how the inability to allow air through the windpipe without rumbling the earth would be a legitimate reason to be apart at night. How did they do it when they were younger?

Did I miss something?

You were like the piece of a puzzle that brought everything together. You always were. Call me dependent, but it worked for everyone

Then he took over your room. He turned it into his personal entertainment den, polluting it with poisonous fumes from the addictive cancer stick. I remember how you were bent on prohibiting anybody who was still indulging in the bad habit into your room. You hated the smell (and you still do), and wanted to keep your room strictly smoke-free. I hated how he indirectly took the last symbol of physical memory of you away from me (besides the photographs that are still prominently hung around in the apartment).

We stayed in contact, that we did. But no amount of communication can compare to you being physically here, being able to read your body language during a conversation in real time. Skype doesn't allow the amazing aura and presence you exude through wires. Your physical absence has made the biggest difference in my life, and I can't help but wonder how it would've been if you were still here.

When you were back, almost everything was starting to feel like normal again. Seeing you everyday made me feel a sense of comfort that I haven't felt for a long time. Just for a while, it felt like home again. We were all under one roof. But I hated that you were sleeping on the couch every other night. You belong in your room. I cannot believe he didn't even give it up for your stay; how could he not? Or maybe he did and you rejected, but that room rightfully belongs to you, sans the stench of cigarettes in the air of course. I didn't like that you had to literally live out of a luggage.

You told me one night, that you felt strange. You felt like you didn't belong, and that made me very sad. I've been feeling that way ever since you left, and I know exactly how that feels. He spoke to her instead of you after a day out. We didn't exactly get the kind of day you expected it to turn out to be. Instead, it turned out pensive for you; maybe not to the point of feeling sour, but definitely pensive. You felt replaced, but I assured you that you weren't. How could you be? Nobody can match up to your prowess in life.

Just before you left, we sat on the bed in the master room watching the crap that was on E! Again, I felt warmth again, even in silence (and in between incessant over-dramatised chatter from the TV show). You said you didn't want to leave. A part of me hoped that you'd forgo the flight and visa that you came back for. You said you missed this; so did I.

Please don't feel guilty, I did not intend on bringing you on a guilt trip. I just felt I haven't done or said enough to show you how much you mean to me. I am happy for you, because a happy you means a happy me.

I've grown to understand that love is borderless, and that the greatest love of all is to let go. I miss us, Kakak; you're my heroine. Nothing will change that, no matter which part of the world you're at. I just hope that one day, if life decides to pull a big one out of its bag and throw it at me, I'd be able to drive down and cry on your shoulders again.

Alas, life, has to go on.

Love,
your irritating little brother.

Wish I May, Wish I Might

2011-12-25T05:13:00.004+08:00

Knowledge is power, but another kind of knowledge can be a curse.

I wish we didn't know the things we know now. Time travelling is a risky business if it existed, but I would do it anyway. Our dreams of a time machine will never die.. or at least mine. The eternal sunshine of the spotless mind needs to become non-fiction. That, or the rise of a drug that causes amnesia. Or maybe a surgeon as good, if not better than McDreamy, who can remove certain cells from the brain that physically retains memories. Either way, I would venture on that trip down the years and take my 12-year old self under my wing.

The 12-year old me would've been thrilled to meet me. He was one who was brought up to have an open mind by his/my/our Mother and grew up watching Science Fiction movies and shows. He was one that grew up too fast for his own age, always a step ahead in front of his peers. He was never in the present or in the past because.. simply put, he never really had a past yet. He was always in the future.

I would give him the 4-1-1 on the next 11 years of his life. No, I won't spare any details because he ought to know what was ahead of him. He was always the inquisitive one. He needed to know how things are going to be. I would tell him that he shouldn't do that, because once he gets older, he'll realise that life is uncertain. It can be certain to an extent, but everything else isn't within his means. Maybe that way, he wouldn't grow up to be so complicated and have complex thoughts about even the simplest of ideas.

I would tell him to live in the present where he should, and to make good of what was in the present instead of being so aloof all the time. He needs to relish the moments and not always be in another time. I would tell him that the future should be a worry of its own when the time comes. "You should only trouble over trouble when trouble troubles you," I would say constantly, to drill the idea into his thick skull.

I would tell him that arrogance will lead him nowhere. Being on a pedestal would bring nothing but a bout of burdens that he would have to carry for the rest of his life. His failures due to arrogance would be his eventual downfall. That, and complacency. It would turn even the highest of scholars into mush. I would tell him over tea that a lot of his personal failures were caused by these two traits and advise him against it. It would be a little too late to change at 17 when the dust has already settled.

As for the matters of the heart, I would tell him not to get involved until a much older age, when everything else is much stable (should he heed my advice). Experimenting at 15 would be too early an age to be meddling with affairs. "You might think you're mature enough to handle it, but oh boy.. you would be so wrong, my young me. You would be soooo wrong."

I would tell him to put his ego aside and pick up a sport. Exercise never hurt anyone, unless of course you had an injury. Sticks and stones may break his bones, but words shouldn't. Throw that pride away but embrace it when the team has won first place.

He would need to spend more time with his sister too, so that the bond would be much stronger than it is right now. Avoid petty quarrels, and even though she says she will love you nonetheless, he should want to be more involved in her life. Don't forget the parents too.

Should he ask about the future, I would probably tell him about Facebook and Twitter. I would tell him in detail how it works, so that he can develop it first and be the gazillionaire behind the way people communicate. He would've increased the rate of how technology advances and be on the cover of Time Magazine. I would also tell him to use a Mac at an earlier age because it makes life so much easier.

There are so many other things I would tell the 12-year old me, but there is only so much I can say or plan, until an actual time machine is built. Till then, I will keep planning.

But me being me, the 12-year old me would've grown up with so much curiousity with this new found knowledge. It would eventually kill him/me and short-change his/my life before he/I even hit 23. Then my existence at present would cease and I would dissipate into thin air before I can even travel back to the present.

Only then, would I know my goal was achieved.

I Am Stumblin' Out Of Bed With An Aching Head..

2011-12-17T20:00:00.000+08:00

I've been wasting my time

Trying hard to ease the troubles of mine

Yes I've been wasting my time

All those lonely nights

When I was seventeen

My heart was pure and my heart was all clean

But at twenty-three

I knew nothing's what it seems, life ain't a dream

Sun goes up and sun goes down

I can't feel the beat and I can't hear the sound

Round and round all this killing time

No I just can't stay forever drunk

Stronger & Wiser, But Not Always

2011-12-15T18:04:00.000+08:00

"It's a little bit horrifying just how quickly everything can fall to crap. Sometimes, it takes a huge loss to remind you of what you care about the most. Sometimes, you find yourself becoming stronger as a result. Wiser, better equipped to deal with the next disaster that comes along. Sometimes.. but not always."

The Crystal Castle of Cures

2011-12-09T20:18:00.001+08:00

I saw your picture, hanging on the back of my door. Won't give you my heart, no one lives there anymore.Could it be that time has taken its toll? Won't take you so far, I am in control.

You've Been FZ'd

2011-12-04T22:21:00.001+08:00

Think you caught it, think you got it

Think you lost what you had, will never get back to you.

Why this hurt inside my head?

Nothing can keep you throw it back instead

Why this pain inside my heart?

Nowhere to run lets take it back to the start

It's in my heart, it's in my head

It's in the shape of a false feeling

It's in my heart, it's in my head

Why this stain upon my thoughts?

I feel it hunting me in my dreams

You know that zone that you get thrown into without a choice at the end of the day when the air is cleared and lines are drawn; that you just don't want to be in after subconsciously having expectations despite overtly preaching against it otherwise?

Yeah, that zone.

You see someone on Facebook through a mutual friend and immediately fall in like with him for whatever reason because you're shallow. I mean, everyone has been there at some point right? And then you start developing a crush on the aforementioned person. Let's call him Mark. You become borderline-obsessed and check out his interests (and if you've never heard of a certain band that he listens to, you check them out on YouTube and MySpace profiles and religiously remember certain song titles and lyrics to arm yourself with "common topics" in the hopes that you meet him some day), his Twitter page, his blogs.. basically just about everything to get more material so that there'd be conversational currency should you meet him one day.

And you know how the universe works in such mysterious ways right? A friend once told me, that if you believe in something enough, and ask for it in your thoughts enough, it will happen. Not so much as a "fake it till you make it" kind of happen, but it just.. happens. "Fate," some idealists might call it. I wouldn't say fate or coincidence, but merely a way of how the universe works - in mysterious ways.

The club is always a great platform for making friends with friends of friends, and the like. Sleazy as it may sound, and how some people might agree that relationships (and friendships sometimes) made in clubs won't last, you have to agree that there are exceptions, and that it really is a good (and simplest) way to make friends; to actually have to TALK to someone than just reading off from their Facebook profiles.

My point here is, your friend finally introduces you to Mark. You get the jitterbugs, but not enough to make your legs buckle or to the point where you start to stutter and eat your words; just enough to make you feel a little warmer inside that you're finally meeting the person whom you've had an e-crush on.

And then the conversation begins. It starts off a little awkward at first with really small talk. "Oh so you're studying in UniMel? Ahh that's cool." Not like you don't already know that, but yeah, I get it. You don't want to sound like a creep and say, "Oh yah I read that from your Facebook. You also do yoga on Thursdays right?"

It turns out that your ammunition is working and he's taking the hits well. You talk about electronic music and Crystal Castles, which "happens" to be his favourite band, share a common interest in finding the best zhi char in Singapore and even talked about the philosophies he fervently believes in. You get a great beginning, and you believe you want more. There you have it, a friendship is born and it no longer exists only in the cyberworld (and your mind). This shit is real and you actually have a friendship going on.

You take it to the next level and act on the crush you have on him. Of course your friend doesn't really know what's going on, but you share this whole experience with your best friend instead. S/he supports you and tells you to go ahead because of all the signs - the attentive eye contact, the body contact when you say something funny, the furtive glances you caught which gives you an impression that he's checking you out.. who wouldn't get that impression, right?

After (finally) adding him on Facebook and exchanging numbers, the both of you start to text each other incessantly, greeting each other with a hopeful "Good morning" everyday and meeting up regularly just to hang out and talk. This goes on for weeks and you start to fall deeper. It's not just a crush anymore. Your decision to act on your crush has led to this; a deeper kind of feeling and an emotional attachment that you yourself cannot even explain. Who doesn't like the comfort of being around familiarity and companionship?

But something's amiss. Your guts tell you so, but you've never really trusted your gut instincts. But funnily enough, like how I've been mentioning how weirdly the universe works, your intuition is always right. It seems like the both of you are going somewhere with this friendship, but your guts were saying that it's going to land you at a dead end. There's no room for this friendship to go up to the next level. He never goes beyond what's expected of him as a friend. You crave more but it's.. just not happening.

So you decide to test the friendship. You kinda know the outcome but you just.. need a confirmation; an assurance that the possibility of having a relationship with Mark was more of an impossibility and a dream; a relationship that you've built in your delusional head.

Granted, you do so subtly (or so you think) because you don't want to lose whatever you've built with Mark as friends. So here's the explicit version of how your conversation might go, given that he's never been in a relationship before.

Scenario #1
You: Haven't you ever thought about experiencing what love is?
Mark: I mean yeah, I've heard about it before and how my friends face so much problems. I'm happy the way I am and I don't want anything to ruin that. I have enough family problems as it is, so maybe not now.
You: Yeah but you can't base your opinions or views on love from what you've heard. You need to experience it yourself before you can actually pass judgement, no?
Mark: True, but still..
You: ..and besides, what's a relationship without problems? That's like a fucking fairy tale man. In fact, Ariel had her share of problems too. They're part and parcel of life, and what makes up a relationship. You grow, yes, but in a relationship, you grow together.
Mark: Yeah, but I still stand by what I said.
You: I've experienced it and I've been alone for so long. Maybe it's cause I've been through it before and know how beautiful it can be, that's why I pine for it so much.
Mark: Yeah and I haven't. So I'd like to keep it that way for now.

He obviously doesn't get the hint. You guys still remain as close friends though. Besides, you need to see him everyday because he's your colleague. A month later, you find out he's attached and here he is telling you all about it. He never knew you were into him until that same day, when you decided to fess up because you were done smiling and listening intently to him, giving you the 411 on how it all happened, only to find out that all of your subtle hints and efforts, have gone down the drain. Why? Because he thought you were just being a friend.

Scenario #2
You: You wanna hang out? I mean you're gonna be in the area anyway tomorrow morning, and you live so far away whereas I live nearer.
Mark: Yeah but I gotta head somewhere else first to get some stuff.
You: Hahaha you can come after what!
Mark: Hahaha, nah. I'll pass.

Clearly, he doesn't want to be with you in a more intimate setting where you and him are just by yourselves, and staying over probably means something to him. You sound him out, saying he's just finding excuses not to hang out with you, and he blatantly just goes, "Ahh you caught me!"

#Scenario 3: Here's one where you put your heart on your sleeve for him to see, and then he starts to pull away.
You: I don't know what's been going on, Mark. But you've been pretty distant as of late. Did I do something wrong?
Mark: Nah, not really.
You: See? You're being all flighty again.Okay you know what? Ever since that little argument we had about being frank with each other, you've changed. And I take that as a sign.
Mark: What sign? What are you talking about?
You: A sign that you're drawing the line. I don't know if you knew this but, yeah I like you. I like you in ways you cannot even imagine.
Mark: Well.. I kinda knew that already. I put the pieces together, and your tweet.. that tweet.. was obviously a blow to me seeing how I just dropped you a text. It was too timely and too coincidental.
You: Yeah well, I was angry.
Mark: I don't blame you.
You: So that's your way of dealing? Just being all mysterious and going MIA in my life?
Mark: Okay look. I really cherish what we have in this friendship, and I don't want to lose all of that. I don't see you as anything more and I didn't know how to handle that. So I thought maybe I'd just give you some space to forget everything. I'm sorry but we just can't go on that level.

You've been FZ'd.

It's futile, and impossibly unavoidable. And like what I've reiterated a gazillion times, the universe works in mysterious ways. You can't change the fact that you're in the zone that can go nowhere but down. Two ways of how you can deal with this though: the first way, which I think is pretty noble as well, is to just suck it up and take it in your stride to accept the fact that you're just a friend. Make use of what you've built and since you cherish what you two have, just go ahead with that. A beautiful friendship is way better than a relationship that's forced and doomed to failure. The other way you can handle it is by just leaving it as it is, and walking away. What could potentially be the most amazing friendship you could have, has been terminated.

For the former, there's bound to be the "coulda, would, shoulda's," but that's all to it. Just mere thoughts and hopes. Let go of that, it ain't nothing but unnecessary stress that could possibly put a strain on the friendship. For the latter, it kinda shows a tinge of immaturity, but to each his own. If absence will help you move on, then get back when you're ready to be in the friendship. If you two have an understanding, then hooray for you. If not, at least you know that going on to the next level would've been disastrous.

The friend zone really sucks, especially when you're one who easily grows an infatuation for people.. You may or may not act on it, but when you do, you go all out and all these silly expectations come about. You start creating the ideal relationship in your head only to be slapped in the face with a plateful of disappointments.

You're stuck in the friend zone. Nothing's gonna change that. Take my word for it, I should know better.

Mr Sour Grapes

2011-12-04T22:10:00.000+08:00

Bitter heart, bitter heart, tries to keep it all insideBitter heart, bitter heart, shadows will help you try to hideBitter heart, my bitter heart is gettin' just a little fragileBitter heart, bitter heart, of mine

A Long Gaze Out The Window

2011-11-20T15:31:00.001+08:00

Three

2011-11-18T00:15:00.001+08:00

When I die and meet my maker, I wanna ask three simple yet deep questions that only He (or She, because in the Fifth Element the supreme being is a woman, and she might be a Goddess) can answer.

#1: Why were we given this life?

#2: Why were there so many lies spun about you during our existence?

#3: Why were you so distant?

It'd be a front page story on The Daily Nirvana.

Who Do I Say This To?

2011-11-16T02:12:00.001+08:00

Watching all our friends fall

In and out of Old Paul's

This is my idea of fun

What's In Your Head?

2011-11-15T22:41:00.001+08:00

Melancholic, neurotic, mentally maladjusted, disoriented, overwrought, all of the above.. I don't even know what I'm feeling. I'm not even sure if I am even feeling. I wish I could lie down with someone whom I can just blabber off with, float with, and talk about parallel universes with; and how the landscape of reality is simply too harsh for anyone and that we deserve to be on another plane of existence. Perhaps one where a utopirian (is there such a word) lifestyle is the focal point of everyone's agendas. Money wouldn't be a problem because money wouldn't even exist, and the riches - both tangible and intangible - will be equally distributed amongst everyone. There is no cycle of poverty - where the rich get richer and the poor get poorer - nor will there be any form of discrimination, stigmatism or hatred. The only kind of drama there will be is the kind where we love, and lose love. Everybody's thoughts will be out in the open and there will be no hidden agendas.

I like you, you like me, let's fuck.

We don't have chemistry, but we can be friends.

Cloning would be possible for the unfortunate. The extreme end of narcissm would exist and everybody would be okay. Nobody would be suffering from any form of inadequecy, for there will always be the one for everyone. And if there isn't, the cloning machine is always available. And this, exactly this, is the reason why I wished there was someone with idiosyncratic thoughts as myself..

..for I live in my head where I am sheltered by an impenetrable thick layer of bone mass.

In Search Of An Emotion

2011-10-27T03:58:00.003+08:00

I can't believe I almost had a panic attack the other day. I didn't even know I could get a panic attack. What's a panic attack like anyway? I wasn't too sure so after talking to a friend and trying to figure out what the hell I was feeling, and not coming to a conclusion, I decided to pull a Scotland Yard and did my own research.. that is, if you consider Wikipedia as a reliable source of information.

You know most of the things you read there sounds viable, but I always forget to keep in mind that some of the stuff there is pure bullocks fabricated by the likes of you and me. Heck, maybe I should write something in there about myself. What would I say about myself?

Adam Kerr, born and raised in Singapore to a complete and wholesome family and has a sister who is eight years older.. could never decide whether he was an orphan or picked up from a rubbish chute. Either way, he couldn't really believe he was conceived as planned. He always saw himself as the bad egg in the pretty basket in the store. Issues? Maybe. But his family is wonderful.

So much irony right there.

That's what I am, maybe. Ironic and contradictory, never keeping to a statement after saying something else. Fickle, maybe. I don't know. Actually, I don't know a lot of things. Do you know a lot of things? I really don't. So anyway, the whole panic attack saga happened and as I sat down with a familiar face, I tried talking out whatever that was going on but really, it may have helped but not really. All I got out of it was a feeling of inadequacy.

Inadequacy - is that really a feeling? Or is it just a really negative, low self-esteem trait. Either way, it's not something positive. Maybe it's the whole.. "friend zone" issue. You'd know exactly what I'm saying if you've been through it yourself. It's similar to what I wrote on Fever Avenue about having a relationship with someone in your head, and the repercussions should you not heed my invaluable advice at the end of not even going there.

But like I mentioned, I am the epitome of contadictions.

Well, we all falter and make honest mistakes. Dishing out an article like that actually takes a lot from me, seeing how most of my material is from within. I tend to implode and not explode most times, but when I do release, the angst I have is equivalent to the scene in X-Men where Phoenix has all that pent up energy within her and decides to kill. The amount of angst within me, and I'm pretty sure it surpasses daily needs from people much younger than I am, would make me even more powerful and indestructible than Phoenix, to the point that I could destroy entire universes.

Could that be it? The leftover angst from my teenage and NS days that have intensified with the daily stress of work and adult-like decisions?

I like dishing out smart-sounding and thought-provoking advice that is deep. I like sounding all philosophical and all, but as the saying goes, "It's easier said than done." And I understand that, really. I know you're coming from a bad place and the answers are right there in front of you and you just need to follow the next course of action. But you're being held back. By what? Maybe you know, maybe you don't. You only know you're.. being held back. A memory? An emotion? The familiarity of it all? Taking a leap of faith into unchartered waters? There are so many possibilities.

Uncertainty is the bane of everyone's existence. We'd all like to know what the fuck is going on all the time, especially when it comes to ourselves - our mind, body, heart and soul. When you find yourself conflicted with yourself, that's just too much to handle isn't it? If you're conflicted with somebody, at least it can be debated over. But if you're upset about yourself and you don't know what it is, the only thing possible is for a monologue. We all know too well what this monologue will end up in. Probably more frustration and/or the opening of the floodgates.

I already know what the trigger was. What I'm searching for, is the answer to why it was even a trigger for something that never happens to me at all.. well not sub-consciously at least.Wikipedia failed me (surprise, surprise), with giving me only symptoms, triggers and treatment. But I don't need to be treated. I don't need treatment because it probably was a one-off episode.

Some people also suffer from tunnel vision, mostly due to blood flow leaving the head to more critical parts of the body in defense. These feelings may provoke a strong urge to escape or flee the place where the attack began (a consequence of the sympathetic "fight-or-flight response") in which the hormone which causes this response is released in significant amounts.

..exact thing I did. I got out of the area, and oh did I flee. Pushing my way through the crowd like my life depended on it and jumping onto the pavement and taking a deep breath of fresh air like I've never breathed in my entire life. Any second longer in the situation and I would've probably imploded and nobody would know why.

Not even I, right up to now. And until I figure out what the fuck got over me, I will forever be in search of the emotion.

It Was A Slap In The Face

2011-10-18T03:53:00.000+08:00

I look behind me, then in front of me, and heave a fucking big sigh. As I continue walking, I stare down and kick the stones ahead."Goodbye," I said, to the tiny rocks that really do not matter; for the days of our lives, they slip us by ever so fast like water through fingers, we barely take notice of the intricacies of life. There is so much beyond every crack on a side street, every defaced void deck, every blackened concrete building.. therein lies a story to be told; one that will transcend through the test of time and one that will inspire you. "Goodbye," I said, as I saw the tiny rocks before me, no more. I walked with my heavy head still surrendering to gravity as I observe the textures of the ground alteration.

"Goodbye" to familiarity, for change is always a constant. Hello to a new chapter.

A Conversation That's Worth A Thousand Monologues

2011-10-04T01:07:00.003+08:00

I miss your writing. What do you want me to write about? I'll write one for you. I don't know, anything. I'm reading a friend's Live Journal and it reminded me of you; of how I loved reading your blog. And how I knew what it was all about. Do we write similar?

Yes; very similar style, very similar content. It's so beautiful. It's like, passive depressive. That's.. something new. What IS passive depressive? I don't know how to describe it. It's.. so heartening to read his entries. but there's always that tinge of sadness behind each entry. It's so subtle, but it's there. Cynicism? Not exactly, it's like cynicism and hope collaborated, and his entries are their products. Realist. Is that what it is? Cause I don't know. I believe so; sometimes it sounds sad. We are not particularly sad. We just see things as how they are. Those things, are sad.

I'm so sick of the word 'sad'. Why is it everytime I'm free I end up feeling all melancholic, and when I'm not, I'm either stressed or hopefully glee?

Lonely > Lonesome
Lonely's a temporary condition, a cloud that blocks out the sun for a spell and then makes the sunshine seem even brighter after it travels along. Like when you're far away from home and you miss the people you love and it seems like you're never going to see them again. But you will, and you do, and then you're not lonely anymore.

Lonesome's a whole other thing. Incurable. Terminal. A hole in your heart you could drive a semi-truck through. So big and so deep that no amount of money or whiskey or pussy or dope in the whole goddamn world can fill it up because you dug it yourself and you're digging it still - one lie, one disappointment, one broken promise at at time.

Gee. I'll know I'm okay when I'm by myself and I feel okay. Sometimes the space feels stifling doesn't it? I don't really know what to do. It's like when my mind's free, it fills itself with unnecessary emotions, only to be pushed out from a glass full of water - overflowing. But never exactly full either. Yeah, I don't know the solution either. I know that feeling, but I don't know the solution. I just hope someone can appear and, not know, that s/he is saving me, like wanting to find answers but nothing really.. adds up right. And if it's right, you'd actually feel liberation but, not there yet. Grit your teeth, and hope it passes quick enough.

But fast is not fast enough. How fast should fast be? It's like we're perpetually stuck. It's a wicked cycle. But remember that good feeling that comes along? When it comes, just go with it. Hopefully the tide will roll you out to the shore. I think sometimes the more you struggle, the faster you sink. Be okay to sink, take it in. Quicksand, that's where we are; move, and you sink faster. Don't, and you still sink anyway. Going with it will engulf you, you just need to reach out. I don't think I'll reach out per se.

I don't want to sink, do you? If I know it deep inside that I don't want to, I've won half the battle. I am indestructible, see what it can do to me. But, no.. choice. I don't know how to live in the present anymore. It's always the what if's and the what could've been's.. never the wow to the now. But no choices, is right. I know where you're coming from. It's more of a.. "Come at me, bro," moment.

"Already battered. I'm 23, still fucking up, still haven't shit out, might not ever. But hey, I'm still here, COME AT ME."

When you lose everything, you are free to do anything. Remember that time I copied the I Am Nothing post that Visa posted? Go read it again. We keep wanting more and more and more. Contentment? Fuck no. Give me fucking euphoria. But I don't think that's what is important for us now. We need to learn to just be okay. Contentment will take forever. But I just want to be okay - bad okay, good okay - just.. okay. Simple as that. But even okay seem unreachable. It's attainable. It will be.

Did you sleep enough? No, I woke up feeling pissed off. I really feel like leaving. It's the exhaustion and night. You just need a good rest, really. The night and exhaustion wears you out, and for some fuck reason, your brain goes into overdrive.

Failed Libertines

2011-10-03T22:53:00.000+08:00

Written by Michael Lee in 2007.

There are five types of failed libertine.

The first type of failed libertine is unable (or unwilling) to achieve his aims, such as to bed the person he fancies, or to conquer a certain number or type of persons based on his constraints and/or criteria. The main obstacle for him is a mismatch between aspirations, abilities and strategy. We may call this failure an Underperformer, if not a Nonperformer.

The second category gets physically harmed - or even dies - from the process, which hampers the continuance of regular decadence, whether by contracting venereal diseases or getting killed or scarred by acid hurled at him by his spurned lover of his lover's lover. The problem here is insufficient care of the self. This one we call Reckless.

The third: a failure in life anyway, whether a libertine or not. What he badly needs is a basic sense of reality. The common term for him is a Delusionist.

The fourth kind realises in the process that he is not cut out for decadence, due to certain external or internal conditions. For instance, he may not have the financial means to support a carefree life. Or, he is easily struck by liberal guilt and so is unable to fully enjoy what he thought would delight him. For him, self-awareness is a lifetime's work. We can call this one a Loser.

The fifth falls in love. He's Most Pathetic.

Conformation

2011-08-18T03:06:00.000+08:00

Honestly, I am sick to my stomach about how society conforms to just about anything and everything. I will not be a hypocrite to say that I haven't, but I really don't have a choice. Choices; are they really there or does life just give us an illusion of having the ability to choose? Because from the way I see it, whatever choice you make, you're pretty fucked in the end anyway.

As I sit here night after night, churning articles after articles, stick after stick and bottles of water after another bottle, I take a step back and try to look at things in retrospect. My conclusion?

Everybody is damaged goods.

Seeing how I'm the person who loves to have systems in place, clear definitions and lines, I know I'm about to contradict my very morals and values in life. But I am sick of conforming to how certain things should be. Systems that are over centuries old have been tried and tested, but have they proven to work? Why is it that we have an idea of how things should work?

Everything is a process; the whole concept of causality - cause and effect, action and reaction. If I do this, that will happen. But if I don't do that, then this will happen. A million thoughts go through your mind and from something as simple as a word, a thought or even a song - mind-mapping into a hundred thousand other possibilities.

Is that what we call hope?

Hope is a nasty person. It picks you up and shows you an exhibition of possibilities only to throw you back into reality whereby the only choice you have to rid of all these "possibilities" is to pick the one that brings a great deal of disadvantage to yourself. At the end of the day, you're only mind-fucking yourself thanks to Hope.

On the other hand, if you have more faith in Hope (oh the irony in that sentence), and if you actually take the risk of putting yourself out there to make the wrong choice even though you've weighed out the pros and cons, you might see the great rewards it could bring, just like the pretty pictures painted on the exhibitions.

I've given up on hope a long time ago. But I do have my moments, the kinds where I would actually take a step out of my jaded self and become the 18-year old self once again. The kind of things and situations that I imagine and picture myself are beyond comprehensive. Back then I had no experiences of such sinister outcomes, but as they say, "Once bitten, twice shy." That's when I put things back into perspective and return to the wasted body of a 23-year old.

I have no hope, and I have no faith. I am afraid to be too happy because whenever that happens, something bad that is beyond my ability to deal with happens. I am not afraid to say I am afraid. That may not make sense but if you read it again, you'll get the gist of it. Yes, save the lecture about how everybody is afraid of what the future may hold, but I'm not even talking about long-term yet. Whatever that may happen within the short-term scares the fuck out of me.

Why?

Because of the choices that I will make, have make or in the midst of making, I already know the various outcomes. I know that one way or another, I am fucked. I need something epic to happen, or something exciting at least. I need to symbolise that and be able to hope again. I've lost all the ability to look at things in a positive light.

I'm treading on thin ice and holding on to a thread and I wish I knew how better to express my woes. But wouldn't that be selfish to throw your problems onto someone else to take care of? I am by nature, and nurture, not a selfish person. I do not like to burden people, so I've built walls, a fortress if you may, around myself. It's just one of those nights where I break down a 4m by 4m wall for all to see.

I wish I was simpler. I wish I was boring. I wish I wasn't wired to think of what someone would say after me. I wish my mind wasn't on overdrive. I wish I had access to get to a higher place. I wish Kurt Cobain was alive so maybe I could relate somehow and indulge in the catharsis that is his words. I wish my wishes were simpler.

I need something, or someone life-changing.

I Don't Friend You

2011-07-30T16:52:00.000+08:00

Been pondering over this for the longest time. I've covered it once before but I'm just.. pondering over it again. Aiyah I think too much for my own good, I know. I've been told a gazillion times over already.

Okay let's say you don't like someone right, like really don't like close to hate but not hate because hate is too strong a word to use in this context.. there's a few ways you can handle it, yes?

One way is to be completely honest with them, and tell them to their face how much you despise them. Let them know so that you know, at least when you're bitching about them at the back, you're not a hypocrite or a backstabbing douchebag. Afterall, you already told them in the face exactly what you're not happy with, and you're just "sharing experiences" with others.

And then there's the superficial, fake crap that some people might think of as being "mature". You don't like somebody, but you still talk to them. You patronise them when they talk to you. In my opinion, I don't see the point. If you don't like somebody, why do you even take out 1% from your effort bank to even bother? You could've spent that 1% on someone who you actually give a shit about.

I don't think that's being "mature" per se, I just think that's being very patronising and giving pity. I don't know what the reason would be for the latter, but maybe it could be because he doesn't have a lot of friends, but you don't like him and you feel bad for him and you wanna be there.

Please give him a break.

I think if I was on the receiving end I'd feel damn low about myself. If you really want to be "mature," why don't you talk things out and tell him exactly what it is you don't like about him, that's causing him to be socially inapt? That way you become a better friend and you'll learn to like him anyway. It's a win-win situation, no?

But alas, that's just one in a gazillion examples out there.

Here's another extreme end of the spectrum: The Hi-How-Are-You-Okay-Bye Friend. You walk into a club with a bunch of friends, and then you see an acquaintance who you don't like, hanging out with your other friends that you're supposed to meet. Do you, A) Ignore, B) Acknowledge with a nod, a smile, a wave or any other gesture, or C) Hug them really tight and ask them how they are before descending into a drunken stupor?

My guess your answer would be C.

Sure, you don't wanna make things awkward for everybody so you stoop down to a level that isn't exactly you to ease up the tension. Nobody wants a party pooper. But did it ever occur to you that your acquaintance/friend is only one person out of the whole group, where the majority is YOUR friends? So it really doesn't matter whether you ignore or not. Just, I don't see the point okay.

If you managed to read up till here, you'll probably be pondering over whether I'm an anti-social freak of nature human-loathing guy. I'm actually pretty much the opposite. It takes a lot for me to dislike somebody, and this issue, this thought, sentiment.. whatever you wanna call it, has been on my mind for the longest time, so I'm just putting it out there.

I usually don't believe in being nice to someone I don't like just for the sake of it. I don't see the point, so I just ignore. I remember cutting off a friend in some point in my life a few years ago. I saw her the other day on the MRT, and she was right in front of me and I just turned the other cheek.

The Magical Alphabets of Every Singaporean With A Cock Part 2: The Chevrons Mean Nothing

2011-07-26T16:47:00.002+08:00

I've decided to break this post up further with a Part 3. This is just too long. Also, this sounds more like a rant about my 1 and a half years of being an instructor. Let's just take this as the trials and tribulations I faced as an NSF Instructor.

Prior to the day we passed out as Sergeants, a group of us who wanted to become Instructors were talking about change. The system in which we were trained in was greatly flawed, and we did not want that for the future batches to come. So we vowed to start a revolution to change the system that would deem fit for the trainees to come and benefit them.

We made a deal.

On a personal level, however, other than wanting to make a difference during my 2 years of National Slavery, I wanted to have as close to a normal life as I could. Working an 8-5.30pm job was ideal for me as that would still allow my social life to thrive. Also, I couldn't stand wearing the damn bunker gear.

As I mentioned, the system was greatly flawed. One reason could be the change in the hierarchy - the course administrator position was taken up by a Senior Officer as opposed to how it was before my batch; a Junior Officer. A lot of transitions were made and a lot of information was probably lost in the transition.

Another reason could be the apathy in majority, if not, all of the Sergeants at that time. They pretty much had the "I'll complete my tasks given and that's it" attitude. They were not initiative by nature nor did they bother much about systems and change. Orders given, orders followed - that seemed to be the culture. Another culture I've noticed is to cover your own ass. Every man for himself, so to speak.

In order for an organisation to thrive, micro-managing is essential in my opinion. Sure, it seems like a daunting and meticulous task to carry out, but the benefits outweigh the effort put in.

I can never understand how some people lack a backbone. Do you have no dignity or pride for yourself? Here's what I feel is the best example to explain this: We're supposed to "kick off" our training at 8am. The normal practice is to let everyone start on their fire-fighting drills without even going through the process, stating that they should have read up the night before.

Come on now.

Reading that thick file of notes on how to perform drills isn't enough. For a newbie to read all that and absorb it all within one night? That's impossible.

And why do we practise this? Simple. If we start late (and in your eyes that means everyone is still standing around or going through the drill together in the training shed instead of actually being on the training ground carrying out the drills), and if our OC or any other Senior Officers were to come down, they'd screw you. But have you ever given a thought that, with good reason and a respectable tone, they're really easy to talk to and reason with and nothing can go wrong.

Why are you so afraid that your ass is going to be on fire?

Firstly, if the trainees go through the drill without proper guidance, chances of them performing it wrongly are high. And then we'd have to scold, and teach them section by section (and sometimes on a one-to-one basis under the scorching sun). Does that not waste a heckload of time? Secondly, making the trainees redo the drill will only make them more tired, which will lead to fatigue and no proper knowledge impartation. The sun is quite merciless in Jalan Bahar. Thirdly, everybody loses in the end.

A small effort by having a backbone could save all of this. Sitting down in the training shed with the full attention from the trainees for about 15 minutes will save a lot of time and trouble. You might say that our generation's very pampered and all, and that we pick up slower than the older generations, but change is a constant. What may have worked in the past may not work with our generation, I'm sorry.

You, my superior, are silenced by fear, and not respect. You need to man up and have your stand in your beliefs, or at least try to. From your actions, you rub this off to my fellow Sergeants, which made it difficult for me to work initially. It was hard to garner support from them, but thank goodness for my partner-in-crime, Warren.

Communication is another essential aspect to a thriving organisation. It is of utmost importance that the organisation shares the same values and ideology, other than just information, with everyone else. If not, how is anything going to be done smoothly?

There were times when the 5 of us didn't share the same ideas on how to teach a certain drill, and all of us taught a different way. How are the trainees going to learn like that? Wah lao. All of them are going to be so confused lah. There's 101 ways to teach, why don't we agree on one style and amount of info to disseminate?

I decided to tackle this problem by talking things out among the Sergeants first. We spoke about giving each other the fullest support in whatever we decide to do; not to gang up on our superiors, but to show that we all agree on an idea. We would discuss and bicker among ourselves and come to a consensus first, instead of being a one-man show.

Whenever we had our disagreements, we reminded each other not to tell each other off in front of our trainees to display professionalism. We would take the disagreements elsewhere, like behind the training shed away from trainees' sight, if absolutely necessary. Also, we agreed not to override another Sergeant's orders, but to first clarify with the Sergeant before giving out another order.

It's just professional and ethical to do so. Besides, it's also part of our vision to be professional.

Small things like this were NOT in place when I was a trainee. A myriad of instructions would be given from our different instructors and it would make life for us so difficult. I wanted change, therefore I made the change, and made sure the change stayed.

Also, although we knew what we had to do as instructors, our roles weren't clearly defined. So I decided to draft out a framework on who should be in charge of what along with a detailed description of their roles, so that the trainees know who to go to in times of need. We also agreed that, despite being in charge of a certain aspect, we have to be all-rounded, seeing how we're instructors.

It's almost like a manual.

I blurred the other names to protect their identity (yeah right, but somewhere along those lines lah).

The systems were put in place with my first batch, the 1st Section Commander Course. Implementation took quite a while because I had to first integrate with the culture of the other Rota (I was from Rota 1, and became an instructor for Rota 2, so we have very different cultures) before I could do anything. I've always lived by the notion that if you want to change something, it takes time.

You can't just walk into an organisation and expect people to listen to you when you haven't even tried to integrate, right?

So I observed, I learned, I followed, and I strategised. I first had to prove my worth by completing the necessary tasks and be deemed reliable before anything. Then slowly, with the help and support from Warren, we implemented the new systems.

At the end of it all, it was a success. We had our own after-action review (AAR) to decided to make tweaks here and there for our next batch of trainees from the 3rd Section Commander Course. Not to be arrogant, but to me, they were the best batch of Section Commanders I have ever seen. Everything worked in our favour and we were commended on our efforts.

It was a little different for 5th, though. Warren was pulled out to help another Senior Officer to handle other courses*. My main pillar of support was taken away from me and it was very different to work without him. Our Deputy Rota Commander was also roped in to handle other courses, so we were left with a senior instructor who was still pretty new to our rota.

This added to the plenty of hurdles to overcome.

Frustrating lah.

My attempt, along with my other Sergeants who have been with me through the past one or two batches, to maintain and improve the systems put in place were in vain. It felt like there was a violent change of power and a resistance to adapt to our culture. It's one thing to be an experienced firefighter and wanting to change or improve certain systems that have already been put in place, but as I mentioned before, the least you could do was to integrate first.

I respect the hierarchy that has been put in place for a reason, but I absolutely hate it when people talk down or talk condescendingly to me. One thing I've learned throughout my years holding leadership positions in various organisations is that to earn respect, you cannot always lead.

You need to understand the ground and come down to the same level to speak. That's what makes a good leader.

If an attempt to understand how the Rota works and suggestions were given and discussed instead of being forced upon, I'm sure everyone would have given you the utmost respect and things wouldn't cock up so often. It was so frustrating not only for me, the Sergeants as well. And sometimes, the trainees, too. It felt (and looked) like there was a constant power struggle.

I must admit that it was pretty wrong for me to give up halfway, but I was really done trying to get my point across without much support from the other Sergeants. They were tired too and just decided to "let it go." In light of the day I was going to be liberated, I buckled and followed.

And following that, came an angsty Facebook note I wrote before my departure (please pardon the use of political election slang, it was during that period that's why, LOL):

It sometimes saddens me how the "opposition" are trying to destroy the system that my colleagues and I have put in place for over 2 and a half batches. The system has been tried and tested, and proven to work well.. no that is an understatement. It IS efficient; just look at 3rd.

Where were you when we were running our asses around? Sure, you took responsibility when shit happens, but when it's time to reap what WE have sowed, you just easily, take all the credit. Just when i thought, "Finally, we see eye to eye," I was once again, proven wrong.

We NSFs will never, see eye-to-eye, with you, the "incumbent" regulars.

Why do you even bother delegating tasks to us when you're only gonna take over in a matter of minutes?

1. You're new.

2. So what if you were an instructor before? That was a different culture, a different system. Welcome to the 21st century. Didn't anybody teach you the concept of adapting? I guess you didn't get the memo.

3. You should learn to sit back, see how things work in this Rota before wanting to make any changes.

4. There is no power struggle here, YOU are creating the struggle. You're the ones creating the tension and the distance between yourself and us.

5. Do you know how demoralising and condescending it is when you delegate something to us, only to be over-ridden afterwards? You have no sense of sensitivity towards your men who are doing shit for you.

6. We're not the ones who are doing this for our ricebowl.

I have had just about enough YOUR crap being shoved down our throats and thus muting us. It's not that they do not want to speak up, but it's because they have way too much respect for you. I didn't grow up in a Asian-oriented home, so my opinions will surface through my face and my mood, and sometimes my words towards YOU. I'm more outspoken than the rest (and you KNOW it) and whenever something isn't right, I fight for my stand. I believe with my departure, my colleagues will be stronger and bolder as a group, as I have as an individual. Don't blame me if one day, the entire group of instructors walk out on you like I have.. like N has.

You only have yourself to blame.

---
On a sort of related note, it's not just them to be blamed, it's also us. I've thought about the other side of the coin too. It's so sickening to just follow orders. What for give us a SGT rank and make us instructors when we can't instruct? We are not just dogs of the nation, we have opinions too. I detest being the silent protestor. Leaders aren't supposed to be silent. Leaders are supposed to lead from the front. Yes you're our superior, but don't we also get a say? Shouldn't we be on level ground as you for the betterment of our trainees?

There should be room for alternate voices. Autocratism isn't the way to go. Like that may as well let you run the show without us right? Wouldn't it make things so much easier for you, having only regulars as instructors? Compromise works two ways. That's why there's a thing called discussions.

We used to communicate so well, but it's all going down the drain.

I don't know really know what has been happening since I left, but I heard a lot of bad stuff. It's okay, I'm done with NS and all I can say is..

I TOLD YOU SO.

Footnote
*Other Courses: The academy doesn't only play host to train local fire fighters and section commanders, but we also take foreign participants and share with/train them our fire-fighting methods and capabilities. On top of that, there are other courses for Paramedics, HAZMAT (Hazardous Materials) and DART (Disaster Assistance & Rescue Team) specialists.

The Magical Alphabets of Every Singaporean With A Cock Part 1: Lan Lan Suck Thumb

2011-07-15T09:27:00.002+08:00

[WARNING: Image & text heavy.]

ORD LOH!

This post is obviously late. I've decided to break it up into two parts; the first being my life as a trainee, and the second being my instructorship at Civil Defence Academy (CDA). I have been a civilian for a month and 3 days. Honestly, I don't know where to start, but the past 2 years has been nothing short of, for the lack of a better word, life-changing. While I do agree that most of my time in NS has been a whole load of bullshit and time-wasting, it has indeed played its part in moulding and redefining my character and personality.

Sounds like a lot of bullocks, doesn't it?

I know I've complained a fuckload on Twitter on a daily basis about NS, but it has subtly done its job. My best and worst of times were definitely from my days as a trainee, training to be a Section Commander. I foresee this post to be a long-winded one, with fuck loads of memories, both good and bad, and some quite insulting. Hahaha.

Let's rewind to the beginning of NS. Wait. No, a little further back. Like, pre-NS.

I opened up the letter box and found a letter addressed to me. Opened it up and it went something like this:

DEAR MR ADAM (S88XXXXXH)

YOU HAVE BEEN ENLISTED INTO THE SINGAPORE CIVIL DEFENCE FORCE (SCDF). PLEASE REPORT TO THE SCDF BASIC RESCUE TRAINING CENTRE (BRTC) AT 101 JALAN BAHAR ON 9TH JUNE 2009 AT 1000HRS.

I don't exactly remember if there was a "please," but I don't think the government is that rude.. right?

Anyway, I stared at that piece of white paper and threw it on the floor. I was pretty puzzled because firstly, being the ignorant fucker I was back then, I didn't know what SCDF did. Honestly, I thought the fire-fighters in Singapore were from private companies (go ahead, laugh).

I was expecting a letter from the SAF (and now I'm really, really thankful that I didn't get enslaved into that force) and have to report to BMTC or something like that.

Secondly, back then I couldn't think of anyone that was in SCDF. Most of my friends were in SAF and some, SPF. I've heard many stories and what to expect and all that jazz. I was pretty much mentally prepared to enlist into the army, and not into SCDF. I'm one who likes know what to expect, instead of going into something, and it could be anything at all, without any knowledge. It frightens me.

So anyway, I got over that.

After the first month of the tiresome Physical Training Phase (PTP) that's modelled to "wake the sleeping muscles that we haven't been using," I was posted to the Emergency Response Specialist Course (ERSC) at the Civil Defence Academy (CDA) next door. It's a 6-month course to develop fire-fighting skills, as well as to build us into Section Commanders (and have 3 other firemen under our wing) in a fire station.

At first, I was very apprehensive about the whole idea of becoming a Sergeant. The first two weeks was pure hell as compared to the first month in BRTC (now renamed National Service Training Institute, aka NSTI) - push ups, running, heat endurance, mental endurance. I didn't know if I could even go through all of that for 6 months. I had half a mind of thinking up of an excuse to get myself kicked out of the course.

But I decided to push on for the sake of my own ego; to test myself and know where I stand physically. NS wouldn't be NS without physical and mental hardship. I started a journal which I swore (to myself) to write in throughout the 2 years, but clearly, as you can see how I'm describing pretty much my 2 years right now in this entry, I haven't kept to my own word. Only small entries here and there, most of which were thought-provoking and full of negativity.

So that's us. We were yanked out of society to see before us a lewd but vast array of personalities and eccentricities. People from different backgrounds all coming together for one common goal - to get this over and done with and get the fuck out of NS. That was our common ground.

That was what bonded us.

We had to make sure our bedsheets we on tight without any creases or folds during inspection.

The regulars that joined us for the course (left) & NSFs (right). Quite easy to tell apart hor?

Just hanging out.

The Fire Fighter Course having night PT. Oh, and the view from our dorm.

Throughout our training, we were counting down the days to get out of the course, to move on to greener pastures. At the same time, we were counting the number of people who got kicked out of the course for various reasons, some, even ridiculous ones. The usual ones were IPPT, inability to cope with mental stress or heat, and injuries (both old and new).

Others were just outright silly.

For example, a friend of mine (who was of similar physical levels and standards as I was) made a pact to stay and spur each other on throughout the entire 6 months. But he just decided to take the easy way out. He told our Deputy Rota Commander (DRC) that every morning when he wakes up, he feels so depressed being in the course and that every night he gets nightmares about the course.

Apparently it "affected" him mentally, physically and emotionally, and requested to be sent back to BRTC.

Some were simply uninterested.

They went great lengths to ensure their departure from the course; going to visit the Medical Officer (MO) as often as possible to get an excuse for light duty, or deliberately failing their IPPT countless times, or both.

While I don't judge my fellow comrades, I was pretty upset about my friend who decided to break our pact. I mean, everyone has their own priorities and want different outcomes at the end of 2 years. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and do whatever it takes that deem fit to achieve their own personal goals.

I respect that.

We were split into two Rotas. Each Rota had their own DRCs and instructors, governance and culture. I was in Rota 1, and it was there where I met some of the most amazing people. We had a DART (elite team of SCDF) specialist, HAZMAT (hazardous materials) specialist and ex-firefighters in my Rota. Whenever we had questions and didn't dare to ask our SGTs or enciks, we could always count on them. They were like God's gift to humanity.

Only in this case, they're SCDF's gift to NSFs.

If you've heard how SCDF training is very slack, you must be out of your mind. How can anything that I've been through in those 6 months be anything but horrendously torturing!? Let me lay down the 4-1-1. If you're talking about Basic Rescue Training back at BRTC, then okay. I'll agree with you on that.

The name of if already suggests what the training consists of. They don't go through heat endurance or anything like that. They learn how to use rescue tools, methods of rescuing and anything that has to do with rescue; nothing related to fire. Yeah they go through Physical Training and all, but how bad can it really get? To each his own, so if you heard stories from someone who is physically fit, of course it's slack.

At CDA however, ERSC is known to be a rewarding, albeit agonising, course to be in if you're in SCDF. Seeing how you would be posted to a fire station, we would be handling real life incidents during peacetime. Our fitness and heat endurance has to be of tip-top condition.

Our first few weeks consisted of how to throw and keep hoses, as well as how to handle a hose. Those were dry drills, and most of the days, it was really, really sunny. No actually, sunny is an understatement. Insanely hot suits better. We had to wear our bunker gears, which really felt like wearing winter clothes during summer to complete our tasks.

Sure it looks easy from the outside, but what you don't know is the brewing heat causing the body's temperature to rise, almost imploding. Okay, a bit of an exaggeration, but I'm trying to draw a mental image for you on what's really going on.

Those hoses are not light. They're 64mm in width and 20 metres long. And then there's the golden rule: when you carry hoses, you're not supposed to carry one, but two at one go. One of them already weighs approximately 10kg.

20kg worth of hoses may not seem that heavy, but when your energy is drained from running about in that suit that pretty is supposed to protect you from radiant heat from fires (it's not like a jacket okay there's no air circulating in the gear) along with the helmet that is well-fitted on the head, your mind starts to tell you things that puts the body at a disadvantage.

Everything seems impossible once you're mentally and physically worn out. Not to mention dying from heat and thirst. Fainting spells were very common among us. Have you ever squat down for a few minutes and then got up really fast? Yeah, that kind of feeling, but prolonged. Some of us (myself included) caved in a few times.

Uhhuh, that was the look that was familiar to all of us during training. The only thing that's going through our mind is, "Water. Rest. Water. Rest. Water. Res- wait what am I supposed to do again? Throw the water and rest the hose?"

Despite having the best support system around - our own section mates - it was still impossible to get used to. I mean, it's not something that you will adapt to overnight. Even learning to use a computer doesn't just happen over night, right? It takes time, and a lot of training before any of us (mostly the NSFs) could even break a smile during our excruciating training.

Lots of motivating words from everyone were heard across the training field. Phrases like "Endure," "Mind over matter," "Move like lightning, sound like thunder," "Going to rest already," "Bro you okay not," "Come on man, we're in this together," and "It's almost 5pm" were rampant during training, although most of the time, they fell on deaf ears.

Our Sergeants weren't out to destroy us, but to help us acclimatise us for the next phase in our training. We were lucky to get some of the most kilat albeit distressing Sergeants to train us. They weren't just our instructors, they were our motivators as well, when the rest of trainees got too tired to be all enthusiastic and positive for everyone.

After a few weeks, we managed to pull through. But this didn't come without a price to pay. It was really like a survival of the fittest. The weaker ones were slowly cut from the course, some of which we've grown closer to over the weeks.

Trainings became more intense and the complexity went up with each week. Lectures became a norm and so was a lack of sleep. We took extreme measures to keep each other up during lectures to avoid being punished by our Sergeants if they caught us dozing off. We brought in snacks, sweets, started drawing on our notebooks, writing short stories (well that's what I did), applying hand moisturiser, pinching people and my favourite, performing at the trapeze squeeze.

It's always amusing to see them jerk up.

Pre-Brunei 2009

Compulsory photo with the Mothership.

Some people were very unbecoming. The longer you know them, the more colours you see. That's when I realised how egoistic some people can get. I don't understand how some people cannot put their pride down and admit to their mistakes. Why do they have to always be the one that wins the argument, even though it is so apparent that the disagreement is not to their advantage? It disgusts me how some people are all brawn but no brains. I'd rather talk to the wall.

And then there are the downright lazy ones who want to get this over and done with, but don't do anything. It's one thing to be indifferent and another to be a sloth. It's really amazing how they want things to be done, but all they do is use eye-power and complete tasks with their mouths (delegation to the point where they have nothing to do). Only in NS will you see such fuckery.

We spent our last 1½ weeks rehearsing for our Passing Out Ceremony.

Prior to that, it was a lot of work to put together the visuals for the POC. I was tasked to spearhead the team just because I graduated with a Mass Communication diploma. So I took along with me Warren, who graduated with a diploma in Moving Images from TP and Wai Meng (whom we call Quek because of his name tag), who has experience with photography.

On top of that, I was given the honour to give the valedictory speech.

A 3-man team to work on a video montage, powerpoint presentation (for visuals), invitation card and valedictory speech without any guidance from our Sergeants and nothing to fall back on was not an easy task to accomplish within the short frame of 7 weeks. What made it hard wasn't the lack of time or direction. In fact, we had more than enough time to finish everything on top of our daily training.

It was the enciks.

Seriously. I have never seen such a lack in communication in my entire life before. Seeing as how I was spearheading the team, naturally, comments and feedbacks would go straight to me instead of the other two. Before the rehearsals, most of our work were vetted by our Course Administrator, Captain Chong. Up till the rehearsals, he has given us feedback and the necessary changes he wants to see. So naturally, we would work accordingly.

However, from the time we started our rehearsals until the actual event, there would be countless of enciks in the Auditorium. I think most people get where I'm going with this. So, let me give you a scenario. There's encik Ali, Bala, Clement and Donny.

Ali tells me to change the order of the slides.

Bala tells me to rename the titles on slides.

Clement tells me to change the theme of the slides.

Donny tells me to redo the entire thing.

Question: Who do I listen to?

NSF Standard Answer: I don't know.

Well here's the thing. I got so much feedback within ONE rehearsal, I gathered the team and we scrambled to make the changes (not the slides per se, but everything else too). Let's say I listened to Donny and redo the entire presentation slides, you know what happens?

Ali: I only ask you to change the order, you go and change the whole thing for what? Waste time.

Bala: Eh you don't understand English is it? You never even change the titles. I talking to wall ah?

Clement: Which part of THEME did you not understand? You drop for me 20.

Donny: Ehh I actually don't like this version. Can change back to the other one?

Sigh.

I mean, you all don't know how to communicate one is it? You all sitting down there thinking of what to comment, why can't you all just compile all the feedback, come to a consensus and then tell us? Why do you have to be so, unorganised?

So you know what I ended up doing? I told my team to ignore all of them, and get our instructions straight from Captain Chong instead. Besides, he was more level-headed and always justified certain things that had to be readjusted. I'm not saying I expect it, but to have a leader/superior who is so down-to-Earth was a blessing. Until today, I cannot thank him enough for being the silver lining.

"Today, we become citizens of the world. Today, we become section commanders."

Certificate & Award Presentation

Special Mention Award: SGT Rizal (reg)
Posting: Jurong Fire Station

Best in Knowledge: SGT Adam (NSF)
Posting: Civil Defence Academy (Instructor)

Best in Physical Fitness: SGT Pei Han (reg)

Posting: Clementi Fire Station

Best in Practical, Overall Best Trainee: SGT Himmi (reg)

Posting: D.A.R.T. Base (Paya Lebar Fire Station)

Pledge Taking
We, members of the Singapore Civil Defence Force, pledge to discharge our duties courageously and responsibly, when called upon to protect and save lives of our citizens. We take pride in our training. We are loyal to our nation.

In case you're wondering, yes Pei Han is a girl. That's why a lot of us didn't want to lose out to her and trained really hard during this course. But oh well, not all of us could get Gold for every single IPPT like her, that's why she managed to clinch the award. Good for her too! All the award-winners were from Rota 1.

So the ceremony went well with zero hiccups. Our video was well-received, and majority of us were very happy with our postings.

So that marks the end of a harrowing journey. It was a 6 months well spent. Looking around there were faces for joy, and for a certain few, tears. Don't think I didn't see okay, I just didn't wanna interrupt your family time. I looked at my peers around me, every single one has made it through to become a Sergeant. It was a burst of euphoria everywhere. It was oozing out of everybody and it was blasphemous not to be smiling. I think some of it rubbed off onto our friends and family too.

And then suddenly it sunk in. Suddenly everything became so, alien to me. We were going to part and go our own ways to our respective postings. I've never been good with goodbyes, and never will be. It is the bane of my existence.

With the selected few whom I have bonded with, I was glad that I could work with you for the rest of my NS life until I ORD-ed. I'll save that for Part 2. For the rest, I hope you've had a fruitful NS life and that you've managed to achieve your goals, whatever they may be.

I know some of us have had our differences during our tenure as a trainee, but I do hope that you'll be able to put them aside and leave them where they belong - in 2009. Petty things like control and command, how we don't like each other's leadership styles, attitude towards life, opinions on certain issues, the video montage controversy.. It was a great honour to be in the same course as you, irregardless of which rota. I believe I've picked up a little something from each one of you. NS has remoulded me and rooted me once again when I was somewhere, drifting into the abyss.

With that, I bid you farewell, and good luck in your future endeavours. May you find it in your heart to forgive my wrongdoings, and may you be at peace with yourself.

Here's to a new chapter in our lives.

For The Discreet Photographer

2011-07-13T12:42:00.004+08:00

Blackberry users!

Have you ever wanted to snap a photo of something or someone interesting and share it on your social media platforms like Twitter, Facebook, G+ and what-have-you without having other people knowing?

Thanks to the help of a friend and my Google prowess, I've found an app that can mute the shutter when you snap a photo on your Blackberry. The name is pretty brainless though. It's called CameraMuteApp. Click here to download.

Don't worry, it's free.

Once you've downloaded it, open up the app. Press the menu button and click Add 'Mute Menu-Item. Now whenever you open up your Menu, you'll see a Mute ! option as shown.

Reviews have however mentioned that it doesn't work with Torch and Storm. I don't know how true this is, but you can always give feedback here.

Once you've done that, open up your Camera app. Now, before you start snapping away, press Menu, and then select Mute ! Your shutter sound should now be turned off. Just make sure you mute it every time before you snap a photo because apparently, every time you close your Camera app, it unmutes itself. That's the only thing I don't like about the app. But other than that, it's perfect.

Now you're ready to be an amateur paparazzi. Time to snap away and become an agenda-setting social media whore!

An Open Reply To The Open Letter To The Education Minister from a Secondary 4 Student

2011-07-13T05:46:00.009+08:00

First and foremost, I would like to commend 16-year old Ms Janelle Lee on her maturity and bold opinion on our education system. (read: An open letter to the Education Minister from a Secondary 4 student)

She has written to bring across her point about the flaws in the education system that she has seen "first hand". However, please do not read my reply with an idea that I'm being snide with my comments.

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"For one, I have come to realise the serious emphasis the education system has placed on factual memorisation."
That is pretty objective in my opinion because, some of us actually understand certain concepts that have been taught to us by our teachers, so no actual memory work is needed. If you have good teachers in your school who help you UNDERSTAND concepts and ideas of certain subjects, it would definitely make it much easier to score.

Not every student has the brain power to that of one in, let's say, Raffles Institution. Okay, that's not really a fair comparison but then again, not every school has the best teachers. I mean, come on, let's be realistic here. Some teachers here don't know what they're teaching. For all you know, they've memorised what they're supposed to teach and just regurgitate to their students the knowledge with little or no explanation.

It's not fair to put the entire blame on our education system.

"..I have come to the conclusion that students are often not taught to ask ‘Why?’"
How can you teach someone to be inquisitive? A student will be inquisitive only if he or she is interested. Honestly, ask yourself, did you like EVERY subject that was being shoved down your throat? And for the ones that you didn't like, did you ask any questions? I'm sure you didn't.

It is human nature to be disinterested in certain subjects, and if they're not interested, why in the world would they want to know more? In the reality of it all, if you were nurtured by your parents to be an inquisitive person, to ask lots of questions, then well, maybe that would have helped. But it's definitely not the education system's responsibility to do so.

It's impossible.

"Albert Einstein once said: “The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity.” Yet, what is it we are doing to our students today? We are training them not to question, Mr Heng."

That's a genius you just quoted, mind you. Of course he would say something like that. He wasn't a genius for nothing, you know? Anyway, I think you've used that quote in this context to your advantage. The education system does not train students to stop questioning, neither does it train them to question. If you want to argue about how it has subliminal effects on our students, go right ahead.

I disagree.

What the teachers are merely doing, is to impart knowledge to the students - cold, hard facts. It is up to them to make sure that you understand, and the easiest way to do that, is to memorise. It'd be lucky if the students are able to grasp the concept of the subject at hand, and it'd even luckier (for the students) if they have a dedicated teacher who is willing to go all out in explaining (in more detail than the syllabus requires) to the students, or hold remedial classes after school.

I think one flaw that our education system has yet to review, is the class size in the various Primary and Secondary schools.

If you haven't noticed, class sizes in JCs, Polytechnics, ITE Colleges and Universities are smaller in size to improve teaching efficiency. Why can we not have the same for our Primary and Secondary schools? Lack of teachers? Well then, isn't it better to overwork the teachers than to mould less-than-adequate students? What's that you say? That the system is tested and proven to be good?

What ever happened to improving a system that is tested and proven, to make it better?

The attention of a teacher to a student can only go so far, and having 40-odd students per class does not suffice. When I was a student back in the days, I flunked my O's and decided to put pride and ego aside, to retake them in my secondary school. It's not that I was stupid or anything (or so I would like to think), I was just lazy and I had other commitments (i.e. CCA > school).

It goes to show that while you're nursing your creative side, neglecting your studies is a big no-no. I had to learn it the hard way. So in a way, our education system is trying to preach a wholesome education.

I decided to turn over a new leaf.

I got really involved with school and decided to concentrate less on my CCA. I asked questions - many of which were "Why is it like that and not like this?" and "Why does it work that way?" - and volunteered to stay back after school for a one-on-one, or a group remedial lesson with my teacher.

So you see, it all boils down to each individual. You cannot teach inquisition.

"I once had to do a Chemistry paper in which I was asked ‘Why?’ for many things, such as ‘Why is carbon a non-metal?’"

This argument is invalid. You should've just referred to your textbook or asked your teacher for more information.

"The most common definition of education is the one provided by the Cambridge dictionary, which states that education is ‘the process of teaching or learning in a school or college, or the knowledge that you get from this’, but I prefer the one found in the students’ favourite dictionary. Education itself, as defined by Dictionary.com, is ‘the act or process of imparting or acquiring general knowledge, developing the powers of reasoning and judgment, and generally of preparing oneself or others intellectually for mature life.”"

Well we know your prowess in writing an argumentative essay includes definitions, but once again, this point is invalid. The difference between the two which you have provided, is that Cambridge merely states the process of education, where was Dictionary.com describes in detail what Cambridge has already defined.

"No longer can we adopt the same methods it took us to get here. Instead, what the country needs is more thinkers, more creators. People who dare to ask ‘Why?’ and ‘Why not?’. People who are not slaves to change, but create the change."

While I am open to the concept of change, I think many Singaporeans still are not. I agree with you on our country's needs for thinkers and creators, but I think we must start with ourselves. Our generation will be the generation of change, and we should nurture our children the way we want our society to be, no less. I've always believed that our beliefs have been shaped by noneother than the parenting of the mothership and fathership at home.

I believe it all begins from home.

For example, if you want to rid Singapore of racism, stop creating a divide amongst the races and passing snide remarks in front of the children. Stop stereotyping them (i.e. Malays are lazy, Indians are violent and Chinese are dirty because they don't shower in the morning) and creating names (i.e. ah neh for Indians, cheena babi for Chinese and Ahmad for Malays) or using them as scare tactics to prevent your children from doing something (i.e. better come home early or else the ah bu neh neh will catch you).

Another example would be homophobia. If you want people to be more open to different kinds of people, start from home. Bring them up in an environment where they are exposed to everything. You, as a parent, have the responsibility to raise them up, and not to let them be subjected to learning on their own. There's a difference between teaching independence and letting them being self-reliant at such a young, impressionable age.

Everything starts from home. It starts from you, and I wish Singapore would focus more of that in their parenting campaigns.

"My friends are constantly telling me that Singapore has no talent. They are constantly swooning over foreign celebrities, actors and actresses, but in comparison, the support and fanbase for our own local talents are negligible, save for a few. I do not believe that Singaporeans lack talent. In fact, I truly believe Singaporeans are a talented bunch."

Your friends are either lazy, ignorant or just stupid. Lazy because they don't bother to search for them with the vast technology that we have in this day of age. Ignorant because they either don't watch enough television, don't read the newspapers or local magazines or aren't in touch with the local arts scene. Stupid.. well that's self-explanatory.

You can blame the local arts scene for not having a lot of publicity, but it's not entirely their fault. Funding for the local arts scene, albeit increasing, is still not enough. If you don't have the money or support from our own people, how do you expect our local arts scene to thrive? That is an uncontrollable factor, but it still plays a part. All we can do is start a petition, or prove our talents to the people in higher places.

You said yourself that you believe Singaporeans are a talented bunch, yet you comment on how our education system kills creativity and imagination. Our education system can only go so far, it is up to the individual's interests.

"Is this really what education is? Stifling voices in favour of appeasing examiners, memorizing facts to get that A1, yet all of these are forgotten by the time we start work?"

Math and Science are all based on facts. No matter how colourful you want your answers to be, they all mean the same thing. It would make marking much easier for the examiners too. There are platforms for the use of students' creativity, imagination and individuality; and all those are in the compositions that you write for your English and Mother Tongue examintions.

Why do you need to use colourful and descriptive words to say that "mass is a measure of the amount of matter in an object that is constant everywhere in the universe," or describing the properties of alkanes, alkenes, alcohols, carboxylic acids and esters?

"Another gaping flaw in the education system is the premise of character development. From the way it is taught in schools, it often feels like schools are introducing character development just purely for the sake of it, and not for inculcating values important to working life."

While I agree that education isn't all about facts and figures, our formal education per se is insufficient for one's holistic development in society. I disagree with you when you say that there is no room for character development. Everyday, when students interact with each other, go through daily experiences in school, their characters are being developed. They take a bit from everyone and make it their own. You can't disagree that all of us individuals are a product of everyone else.

We've taken something from everyone.

CCAs have been put in place as a platform for more character development and to harness the potential talent within each individual student. Most schools have made it compulsory for every student to join a CCA, but that is as far as they can go. Like I have mentioned in almost every point in this entry, it is up to the individual.

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While I am blown away at the depth of your open letter and your maturity, I have to say that ultimately, one's character development and need for inquisition starts from home. From there, when the child is exposed to the world and education, it is up to the parent to help facilitate his interests and strengths. And then it's up to the individual already.

Not everyone has a backbone, and some that do, are too afraid of expressing their views out of fear. Fear of contempt, fear of being sniggered at or looked down upon for having a different opinion. This fear will bring about hatred. I could go on in the context of the recent Singapore elections, but that's over now and I won't brood over the topic.. for now.

Like a wise character in a sci-fi film once said, "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to.. suffering."

Let Music Be Our Conversational Currency of Conformity and The Likes

2011-07-09T14:30:00.006+08:00

Music has no judgement on its listeners for it is universal.

I was supposed to go out with Sy yesterday, but he had to meet up with some other friends who're leaving for London soon so we did a rain check. Ethan called me up about 1+ in the afternoon and asked if I was free for the day.

Jeng jeng jeng, life has its way of working doesn't it?

Since it was his birthday yesterday (mind you he celebrated it last week because the venue this week was fully booked, and he kept his birthday low profile probably to avoid being ragged in camp hahahahaha), he wanted to hang out and all. But me being me, it was only 1pm-ish and I don't like going out so early in the day lest I perspire like one dog..

I told him to come over instead.

After a whole day of watching YouTube videos, walking down my juvenile memory lane, filling him in on my BKK trip (will update once I get my hands on the pictures from Jasper!) and his life in CDA, we decided to head out to Timbre to watch 53A. We were having a LOL-worthy time laughing and reminiscing our own juvenile days with these few songs. Jesus it was so funny how we both knew the words to some of the songs.

Oh. oh. oh oh oh! Oh, oh. oh oh oh! Aiya, aiya, aiya aiya aiya! Huat ah, huat ah, kao pei ah!

So anyway, I decided to call an ex-trainee of mine, Amos along. It was funny cause he got all anxious to know who it was and the only thing I said was, "Your other cool SGT that's still an NSF is joining us."

Quek also another one lor please. We were chatting on WhatsApp and he asked if I was hungry. I was like, ahh fuck this let's just call him out to Timbre tonight too.

Throw in a little Warren and there you have it, a random gathering of sorts.

The night went better than I had expected. 1 SGT, 2 ex-SGTs and one trainee. Hahaha aiyah as long as can draw the line with in camp and out of camp that's fine what, no? It was great to see 53A again. I didn't know they've changed their line-up and included a new keyboardist. Fuck I pretty much embarrassed myself when I spoke to her during the interval.

But, as the title suggests, whatever I've talked about is moot without getting the point of the entire night, right?

So I was just telling Warren how I don't think I can ever commit to a relationship anymore (it was just a passing comment because I was quite annoyed with a friend on the phone) because I get so irritated easily. He mentioned how as we grow older, we just get used to how we are and we don't conform to society or people's needs anymore, so it gets harder to find a partner.

I thought about it and it hit me hard.

A few centuries ago, when I was uh, 16, I remember a friend who was in his mid twenties telling me how difficult it was for him to find a partner at his age; that everyone was looking for specifics and wouldn't settle for mediocrity. Either that, or the rest are already attached/engaged/married.

And now that I'm in my late-early-close-to-mid twenties, I finally understand. I've always been a "see it to believe it" kind of person. I learn best through experience. I mean, I get so irritated at little things and expect the other person to change, but then again I don't want them to change because I know that's how they are, so I'd rather move on. I don't hold on to hope like I did last time, and I think I'm pretty happy with where I am now (althought a little more would be nice). I'm not looking, I'll just wait for it to happen.

Fuck since when did I get all sentimental on blogs.

Moving on, I think once you've reached a certain age, your characteristics are set in stone and it's really hard to change. Ideas stick and criterias are strictly followed. Anything less, would probably result in irritance or rage.

If you're a slut, you're a slut. Period.

Fun Bag Pack

2011-07-06T09:15:00.006+08:00

"I want a biscuit & I want a sweet, you & me, let's share this treat. Kopi-oh. Time for the fun pack song."

24 hours ago, there was only about 650 views. Overnight it has garnered over 47,000 views. Oh, the power of social media and the Internet. NDP songs have been getting worse over the years, in my opinion. But I think this year takes the cake. Ripping off a song by Lady GaGa? Seriously?

If it's their way of reaching out the Generation Y of the Singapore population, well, try harder. I feel so much second-hand embarrassment, and I'm sure I speak for many. And what about the participants? Most of them from the various secondary and primary schools were probably conscripted (like our poor fellow NSFs and regulars from the different forces).

I was pretty sure with Lady GaGa coming to our shores, there would be a lawsuit of some sort. But the committee probably heard the views from the ground and decided to look over their permits for the song and decided to retract the song from this year's NDP. (read: Lady GaGa Bad Romance rip-off ripped out)

If you wanna talk about patriotism, well, Kit Chan's rendition of Home is still my favourite.

I think they would have more cred if they did a Rebecca Black. I can see it now -

It's the fun pack, fun pack.
gotta open the fun pack.
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the fun pack, fun pack.
Fun pack, fun pack
Opening up the fun pack.
Everybody's lookin' forward to the biscuits, biscuits.

NDP, NDP (yeah!)
NDP, NDP (yeah!)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the NDP.

[update@1703hrs on 090711]
So they've decided to take the video down, as well as the song out of NDP (read: No 'Funpack Song' for National Day Parade). Thank goodness. Also, when GaGa was asked about the song, she said she liked it. Noooooooooooo (read: NDP song dropped.. but GaGa likes it)
[/update]

Revisiting

2011-07-06T05:54:00.003+08:00

I know I've said countless times that I want to return to blogging. But really, the inertia is too strong. Well, that and the revolution of technology that is Twitter. Sometimes I find the ability to express whatever feelings or thoughts that I may harbour within 140 characters.

Sure, that's gonna be useful in my summarising prowess.. but sometimes I think more than 140 characters is needed to bring across a point.

Many have forgotten the power of words and blogs (guilty as charged), but I believe I'll make a comeback soon. Watch this space!

[update@0756hrs]
Well, I guess I decided to rebuild the entire site and all. I got rid of my HTML codes and decided to just go along with one of the templates. Don't think I would have that much time to maintain the site anyway, but I'm gonna try and make an effort.

Also, holla if you wanna be plugged on my site! :)
[/update]

Longest Hiatus Known To Manki... Me

2011-03-30T05:46:00.006+08:00

Wow, it looks like I spend more time on Facebook and Twitter than anything else nowadays. Okay the word "nowadays" is too much of an understatement; I don't blog anymore.

NS has pretty much robbed me of my social life and free time, so I make the most of what I have left. But by doing that, my vocabulary has since shrunk (just a convenient excuse) and my creative juices have dried up. I need to feed my brain. I need time to use this famished organ.

I'll try to pick up blogging again. 'Try', being the word in focus.

Poke Your Face

2009-10-07T22:51:00.003+08:00

Hmm, so I was Tumblr-surfing tonight after watching The International. I came across so many awesome things that I want to share. But I thought, "Hey, wouldn't a YouTube face-off thing be more interesting?"

So tonight, I have two heavyweight champs of YouTube singing the ever-so-popular-and-over-rated song, Pokerface by Lady Gaga!

vs this Pinoy dude.
Apparently I can't embed his videos, but for some of you, you might just know who I'm talking about. Who do YOU think will win hands down? Najmah Salam, or the Pinoy dude? :o

Black/White/Brown/Yellow

2009-10-06T00:40:00.007+08:00

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."
Mother Theresa
--

No matter how much we'd like to believe that there is little or no racism in Singapore, it still exists. We probably prefer living in denial, because being in denial, we all stay happy, don't we?

Now we all know that the majority of Singaporeans are Chinese, followed by the Malays, then the Indians and the Others. It's pretty easy for racial tension to rise here in Singapore with the variety of cultures, beliefs and practises from the many races/religions we have here.

We have learned to tolerate, yes, but have we learned to end the racism and discrimination? I don't think so. I beg to differ.

From what I've observed, racism against one race is one thing, but discrimination against a member of the fellow race? Now that's a whole different level.

I don't know, I just think it's pretty sad and rather.. pathetic, in my most honest opinion. Just because a fellow Black man isn't as ghetto and doesn't walk with a swagger like you do, and act more White, speak more White, and hang out with more Whites, he gets discriminated by the Blacks?

That is wrong on so many levels.

Discrimination is one thing, but judging and changing your perception and all? Maybe there isn't anything wrong with this Black man (let's call him Joe). Maybe the problem lies in you? Maybe Joe can't click with you (who is Black too) as well as he can with the Whites.

Maybe Joe and you just have different interests and are on a different wavelength altogether.

I mean, it's just human nature to find somebody that share the same interests and talk the same language isn't it? Why would Joe want to try so hard to fit into a group/lifestyle/topic that he feels absolutely nothing for? It's ridiculous for him to pretend to be somebody he's not.

Poor Joe.

And whatever happened to tolerance? You can tolerate other ethnicities but you can't accept the fact that another brotha isn't as Black as you? What a hypocrite.

Singapore is just.. Singapore. Ugly's really ugly here.

The Ceremony

2009-09-22T01:02:00.003+08:00

Hello everybody.

For those who know me, I'm an epic failure at keeping phones. Yes I did it again; I lost another phone this morning.

But it's okay, I've bought a new one and I need your numbers. :o Kindly text me your numbers to my old number (9145 8523).

I've already changed my number, but I'm not going to post it here. Check my Facebook profile okay okay okay? Thanks. :D

Ris Low, I feel second-hand embarrassment.

2009-09-17T21:02:00.001+08:00

So Alexis and I were bitching on Twitter. Big deal.

I'm pretty sure everyone's already seen the video and is absolutely disgusted by her awesome English and try-hard accent and horrible pronunciation skills. Seriously, how are you going to represent Singapore like that? Are the judges trying to show the world our culture? What culture really, what, Singlish?!

What do you think? Is it the quality of contestants, or the judges? Hmm.

"Oh, you're born in March? You're a.."

2009-09-13T15:10:00.005+08:00

The mind has become a mind field today. Not only today though; yesterday, the day before and the day before that too.

No it's not because of the alcohol. I refuse to think it is despite knowing its depressing after-effects it has on some. Okay maybe just a bit, but still. It doesn't make up the majority of it. For those who don't know, alcohol is a depressant.

I don't know about you, but I never used to really believe in horoscopes as much as I do now. Last time, I used to read it for fun and go.. "Eh this is true, this is SO true," and then just shrug it off as though it was just a passing comment. I'll probably forget what I read about within the next 3 minutes.

I'm not sure how this.. obsession (okay maybe a few levels down obesession, like, interest maybe) with horoscopes began. I think it began when Jolene, Wendy and I were just sitting around talking about people and started linking their traits and attitudes with horoscopes.

We talked about a particular person I think, and then looked up his/her (I really cannot remember lah but it really doesn't matter, let's call this person Rosi.. and yes that's a girl) horoscope on the net (yes Google is win). We slowly realised that she has the same traits as the ones we read up on.

I know some people might say something like, "You try reading other horoscopes and matching their traits to it. Confirm got something similar one for every horoscope, so how can you say it's true? Some dude must've been really bored to come up with this shit to categorise people and never realised that he was actually being very general."

But it can get deeper. Really. I kid you not.

Okay halfway reading this I realised I sound like I'm trying to sell you a belief, but really I'm just trying to.. uh, sound convincing. For what reason? I don't know, haha. Seems like I don't really know much nowadays. But we'll talk about that.. later.

I think if you couple horoscopes and personality test results (and not those stupid ones off Facebook, but proper.. personality tests) of a person, the possibility of knowing a person with even more clarity increases by about 50%.

Or maybe if you find a few people with the same horoscope, say like, Aries, and then you analyse their characteristics and compare it to those traits in the said horoscope, you'd see some similarities. I don't know, either way you try to see it, you might get my point.

So what exactly is my point? People judge you prior to knowing you so why not do the same right? Other than lying, I thing judging and not giving a chance to get to know people is the currency of the world.

But nah, I'm nice. Even though I'd ask people for their horoscopes, I don't use them as first impressions. It's just, mean. I'd like to throw it in the back of my head and not think of it until it really shows.

Seeing is believe, I say. And besides, the world is unfair and unjust. What do we do? "Sleep it off and suck it up the next day," (Leong, 2009).

****

Okay my weekend was interesting. Friday turned out to be exciting. Quek, Russell, Warren, Tiong, Yong Han, Pei Han, Andy and I decided to go all out drinking at Tiong's condo at Jalan Besar. I think it's City Lights or something like that, but whatever, that wasn't the point.

Quek being a pig, and Russell being himself; retarded.

We had supper, or rather, they had supper at this Bak Kut Teh place in Geylang. Besides, I wasn't exactly THAT hungry either (then again, I'm never really that hungry on the weekends anyway). Tiong took forever to come. I don't know what took him so long really. But by the time he came, we already went over to eat da huay (sp?).

You know that famous 24/7 Geylang da huay thing that tasted so good? Yeah I tried it before it moved and it was damn good. I never knew where it went to after it moved until that day. It doesn't taste the same anymore. :\ Oh well.

We went over to Tampines to pick Warren up after. Oh my God, now that I have my chance, let me tell you about Quek's incredulous driving skills - he drives at 120kmh on normal roads, 155kmh on expressways, and turns at 130kmh. But okay lah, quite zai lah he. Hahaha.

We missed a few turns, turned too early, got tailgated by an annoying cab driver when we were doing 155kmh (wtf I know).. quite the exciting journey eh.

Then we got to Tiong's place and we started..

Booze overflow.

2 bottles of Cordon Bleu, 1 bottle of Absolut Vanilla, 1 bottle of Absolut Raspberry, 1 bottle of Red Wine, 4 cans of Barons, 2 cans of Tiger, 12 cans of Red Bull.

He got red really, really fast. In fact, it was a very unnatural red. We call this; the Asian blush.

She says she has a very "big pocket down there". I say, it's big and red that's why she cannot swim. Hahaha.

Mr Half Thai.

Sausage lips. Hahahaha.

I want hair. NOW.

Giggle me this, giggle me that. We had an awesome night, talking rubbish all the way until the wee hours of the morning, despite being chased away by two security guards who insisted on staying in the area until we left. We didn't start till about 3ish, and everybody managed to get home safe. (Y)

****

Happy birthday, bro. It's been 8 years plus, and counting. I hope you had a stupendous 21st last night. It was great seeing you, and many of our mutual friends at your party; catching up and all.

If you haven't already read your second last page of your guestbook, I reckon you do it now. Hahaha.

Strict Machine

2009-09-03T05:37:00.001+08:00

Catharsis /kəˈθɑrsɪs/
-noun, plural -ses

1. the purging of the emotions or relieving of emotion tensions, esp. through certain kinds of art, as tragedy or music.

--

I'm sure all of us are guilty of this on one count or more.

I Said It Once, I'll Say It Again

2009-08-26T03:12:00.004+08:00

NS SUCKS BALLZ.

I can't even plan my weekend properly. I have so many friends to meet, but I have so little time to catch up with everyone. I know lah, one weekend cannot meet all, but can meet some right?

But seriously, what is 72 hours?

Actually, we're not even given a full 72 hours. Within that 72 hours, there's sleep and eat and shit and shower and all that crap. Then you need to travel, and then meet friends, and then schedule them and..

OH MY GOD IT'S JUST SO FUCKING ANNOYING.

Okay. With that off my chest, did I tell you how sometimes StarHub can be bloody annoying? Okay so right, I decided to bring my laptop and StarHub Mobile Broadband thing. I used it on Sunday night, and it was fine.

Monday night came, and it decides to fuck up on me on the night everyone (almost everyone) is out. So I called the StarHub Emergency Number (1633, okay it's not really an emergency number) to ask for help and they said they'd call back.

Yah sure, they called back the next day during office hours while I was having training. I can't possibly answer the phone when I didn't even bring the phone out of the dorm right?

Never mind, so I called again, and they asked for the exact same thing again, and that kinda pissed me off. But never mind, they need that information to assist me in solving the problem. So they said they'd call at 8pm after I mentioned how I really needed the Internet.

8pm came came and flew. Next thing I knew, it was 10pm. So I called again and I was quite infuriated by the lack of service that they have promised. Then this guy that was on the other line, was really nice enough to listen to my woes.

He was patient and very confident in dealing with my issues at hand and I think he would make a great.. uhh, okay he'll be great at whatever it is he's doing right now. :o So here you go, Gee Leong from the StarHub Mobile Wireless Technical Helpdesk. Hats off to you!

Okay, it's already 3.12am and I'm not asleep. I know I'm going to regret this. Breakfast is in an hour and I'm just about to go to bed. Good night world.

PS: The reason why I put up that annoying Charlie the Unicorn video the in the previous entry is because it's annoying and I wanted to make you feel how I felt about writing the entry on dating and how my thoughts annoyed the fuck out of me and confused me. So, there's actually Episode 2 and 3, but it just tests your threshhold for being annoyed. :o

Charlie the Unicorn

2009-08-23T13:56:00.006+08:00

"Let me ask you a question: what the hell is dating anyway except some long drawn out process of elimination where you both try to present your best side while hiding the real you? And that can only last about three months anyway, because eventually it leaks out. And then you have to spend the next three months getting to know your real selves and then one of you wants a commitment, and the other one wants to bail. And then you have to start all over again. I mean dating.. dating.. dating is stupid."

- Taken from the movie Fools Rush In (1997)

I actually saw it from someone's tumblr, but I can't remember whose. Although I sort of agree with it, I still have my own opinions on dating actually. I think it's in every indivudual when it comes to dating. You either just be yourself, or you try to show the best part of yourself, and then once you get the gold, you just strip down all the facade and stand there naked and vulnerable, and only then will your true self be shown.

Now.. let's see.

Casual Dating
Now, something I realised is that Singaporeans don't practice, or don't tolerate casual dating. I mean, what's wrong with casual dating right? Even Roy says so. It's just.. you know, like test market like that. You date a few people, and you keep it platonic, and see how everything goes. Then you see who you can click with better, and you seize the opportunity with that person! Tada! For all you know, things could go well.

But then again, maybe not. I think if one wants to date casually, he/she should at least be responsible/courteous enough to let the other party know what he's up to, and if the other party is okay with it, why not?

Besides, you'll expand your social circle anyway. (Y)

Exclusive Dating
Ahh.. let's say you're not one for casual dates. I think this is self-explanatory right? You date only one person at a time, and at the end of the day, you two either make it (and move on to a relationship and hohoho, sex) or break it (aww so sad, okay next).

I don't know what kind of boundaries each individual/couple has when it comes to exclusive dating, but I'm guessing anything goes, without any obligations and strings involved, since it really is just.. dating right? Maybe.

This gets so confusing sometimes.

Okay you know what? I think I've just fucked with my own head and confused myself and realised I have no point in this entry. So alas, I will leave you with an annoying video while I go pick up my thoughts.

Cornelius

2009-08-22T11:22:00.007+08:00

Singaporeans (or rather Singapore) should be more hardcore. I don't know, in my opinion, parties should be like this, and people should know how to really let loose on the weekends. But oh well, you know, it's just my opinion. Actually you know what? The Bloody Beetroots should just come to Singapore.

The last thing that I thought could happen while I'm in NS is how terrible the politics could get. I mean, I've heard about how some people will play politics and how world-class the systems in NS can get, but I didn't expect it to be this bad.

I shouldn't be writing about NS because:
1. It's quite boring really to be talking about it.
2. I could potentially get into trouble, but then again, I'm not exactly writing about people of power, but rather, people who are in the same shit-hole as me.

I don't mean to be mean, but I didn't really have a good impression of SCDF in the first place. When I read my enlistment letter, it said something like.. okay you know what? I can't remember, but whatever. It said I've been enlisted to SCDF and that I need to report to Jalan Bahar (see, I don't even know the exact address) on 9th June 2009, 10am.

Actually, I felt lost because I didn't know what to expect; I mean, I never really bothered finding out about SCDF or anything. I had more SAF and SPF friends (naturally) so I hear all sorts of stories about them and all.

But for SCDF, seriously.. zero. Zilch. Nada. Nothing.

I hadn't the faintest idea, for fucks sakes.

Okay anyway, so in NS right, I mean it's guys right, like males, like.. men-to-be right? It should be less drama less bitchy less politics and all right? But well, I'm still having a hard time trying to read some people.

You see, I have trust issues. And I don't like entrusting people with things that I hold dear so easily. It's just me, I've always been like that. And some people, just some people ah, they come off as such nice and genuine people. But from what I hear about them, they're the total opposite.

They play politics and bitch about you so bad that everything that comes out of their mouth about you is just pure filth. I mean, yes there're people like that everywhere in every walks of life, but you know, one would think that it would be minimised to an all-new low, but I was wronged.

Okay, well, in conclusion, NS is a waste of two fucking precious years. I could be out there studying subjects of greater interest and stuff that I actually have passion in instead of running up and down carrying heavy loads of bullshit and shouting "Yes, Sergeant" and having "Left, Right, Left Right" in my head whenever we're moving from one point to another.. I could be out there enjoying my life and keeping in touch with my friends and my social circle and all.

But no, the government has decided that all Singaporeans with a penis has to undergo 2 years of crap that we call National Slavery. Hallelujah, POP on 24th December. 6 weeks till I become a senior SCT.

Fuck it, I'll get through this one way, or another.

It's Been A While..

2009-08-16T17:55:00.004+08:00

.. since I actually blogged. Life for me has been pretty.. how do you describe it? Stale and repetitive? Probably. With the recent enlistment into Civil Defence, it's made my life more routine-like, which is really.. boring. Goodness.

I've been penning down all my thoughts and guilts into a moleskin journal that I bought before enlistment, but even with that, I lost the flare (and energy) to write (almost) everyday. Ever since I was transferred over to Civil Defence Academy, or rather posted to the Emergency Response Specialist Course (ERS), I haven't really had the time and energy to sit down, reflect and write. My last entry was dated in July.

But other than all of that, I've been partying hard within the few precious hours over the weekends. I just think that it's fucked up how I need to "schedule" meeting all my friends within the little time that I (or all of us NSF) am given. It's really fucked up and it makes feel so distant from everyone sometimes.

Sundays are the new Mondays. And Mondays are still, Mondays. The Monday blues are still there; just worse.. like 38957012834 times worse.

I really do miss my old life of doing nothing and everything as and when I like. But what to do? We all need to grow up and mature at some point right?

This is the time, I guess.

Happy belated birthday, Putri. I never want you out of my life, ever. :)

Graduation

2009-05-13T00:23:00.003+08:00

Today is the day my life begins.

Today I become a citizen of the world.

Today I become a grown up.

Today I become accountable to someone other than myself and my parents; accountable for more than my grades, today I become accountable to the world, to the future, to all the possibilities that life has to offer.

Starting today, my job is to show up wide-eyed and willing and ready. For what? I don't know.

For anything.

For everything.

To take on life, to take on love, to take on the responsibility and possibility.

Today, my friends, our lives begin. And I for one, can't wait.

Grey's S05E22

When Things Go Bad..

2009-03-23T06:48:00.003+08:00

.. you just want to find a way to forget them. Either that, or you want to find answers to questions.. or you want to find someone, or something to relate to.

You find comfort in songs that speak your life and how you're feeling or what you're going through now. You watch shows that you find therapy in. Other times you just try to figure out who you are.

I don't know, like I said I'm still trying to find out who I am. I like James Morrison, Anna Nalick, A Fine Frenzy, Lisa Loeb, and more. I like watching Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice. I like reading horoscopes on various websites on my own sign and others. I like doing personality tests to find out about myself. Kinda sad that I actually have to do personality tests to figure out who/what I am.

On other days, I just ask people to give me their brutally honest opinion of me.

Actually, I also don't know where this post is going.

Blogging Fail

2009-03-18T06:00:00.003+08:00

..and so I started blogging again for a while, and then disappeared again. I know, EPIC FAIL..

Well I'm back here, at 6 in the morning, sitting in my dining room and sipping on a cup of hot cocoa that has gone cold since 2 hours ago, and listening to the still of the night/morning (as well as the ticking of the clock that I so want to throw out).

I've turned 21, but I didn't make it a big deal this year because, I couldn't. My luck this year is horrible, and we're not even halfway through yet.

I'm a full-time bummer now, and I've been trying to find some meaning in this matrix we call life. I don't have a goal. I don't have an aim. I'm pretty much just wasting space, air and natural resources (well Singapore doesn't exactly have them).

This is exactly what I picture myself to be doing when I'm 70.

That's why I do not want to live to a ripe old age and watch all my friends and family die one by one. I do not want to end up like the uncles who just walk around aimlessly, take buses with no destination or sit at the coffee shop drinking kopi (or beer most probably) and talking about the things we should have or shouldn't have done with my other dying buddies.

If I were to be like how I am right now (i.e. with no direction in life) when I'm 70, I'd rather be dead (on the dancefloor).

Oh yes and then there's the up-side to being old and (almost) crippled: travelling and experiencing different cultures and wonderful things like that.

Honestly, do you think when I'm 70, I'll be that fit or capable to get on a plane and walk around India and discover their hidden gems and colourful garments, or walk the whole of the Great Wall of China, or go sky diving?

Okay maybe. I mean, technology is advancing so fast these days it's pretty hard to catch up (or not).

I have no point in this entry, except to remind myself that I have no direction.

Oh wait, maybe that is my point?

The Still of the Night

2009-01-11T07:34:00.002+08:00

It was one of those nights again - booze, company, being aimless and talk - till 6 in the morning.

I mean, it got me thinking again - about life and all. I don't know why but it's really a pressing issue for me. I don't know about the other 21-year-olds-to-be, do you feel like that too? Tell me I'm not the only one, please. Or am I?

If You're A 90s Kid..

2009-01-06T21:54:00.006+08:00

..you would find this familiar:

I know right? It brings back loads of fond memories from the 90's. I think this song was released like, what, 1996? I was only uhh, Primary 2. Whao, that was the right about the time when I carried super heavy bags and liked Power Rangers (actually I secretly still like them, but the older ones when they still had Jason, Billy, Zack, Trini and Kimberly).

On a side note, I think they looked pretty hot (back then).

My House is Electro

2008-12-26T10:12:00.005+08:00

[edit]
I stupidly forgot to include the track list, but here it is. And by the way, where are the comments! :\ I know I sound desperate but I really wanna know what you think about it, so comment away (even if it's bad!)

Let It Go (Axwell Remix) - Dirty South
It's Been A Long Time (Axwell Remode) - TV Rock feat Rudy
Flash (Club Version) - Christian Sims
Emotions (Original Mix) - Fukkk Off
Under Your Skin (Original Mix) - Action Man
I Am Not Drunk (Original Mix) - Benny Benassi
Tomorrow Can Wait (Tocadisco Evil Mix) - David Guetta
Party Animal (Vandalism Remix) - Mark Knight
Rave Is King (Discodust Edit) - Fukkk Off
Wake Up - Les Petits Pilous
D10 - Dirty South
Be (Laidback Luke Rave Edit) - Steve Angello & Laidback Luke
[/edit]

While everyone was out merry-making, I was busy at home mixing (again) after a long time!

I've uploaded it to let you take a listen! Do leave comments about the mix okay? But don't expect too much, because I am an amateur using an amateurish programme, hahaha. So they're like little bumps like bad transitions (because I forgot to cue the other song) and stuff like that.

The music in the mix ranges from house, to electro house, to electronica and stuff.

Click here to download. (:

The West is Overcrowded

2008-12-24T01:08:00.004+08:00

I hate the peak hours - it's the time when people are most kiasu and inconsiderate. It's not just one or two people, but like, a gazillion people around you.

And it's not like you can do anything about it, because everyone else knocks off at around the same time, so it's inevitable. Trains are crowded, roads are jammed with cars, and people get in your way while you're rushing.

So I was on my way to Jurong Point to get presents (so contradictory to my previous entry, I know right) for some people. I got off at like, Boon Lay and the stairs was overcrowded. So I walked over to the other end of the station to take the escalator and omg, it's crowded as well.

I don't even want to mention the lift.

It took me a total of about 7 minutes to get downstairs. To make things worse, the crowd hadn't cleared and another train and tada, another big crowd.

Did I mention what kind of people the crowd consists of? There're the working class people, gangster wannabes, tweens who make a hell lotta noise on the train, and the foreign workers. That's right, foreign workers; a whole sea of them on their own.

I think the West has been picked to be the area of concentration for foreign workers. I see all types here, just hanging around, sitting as they please and weaving through the crowd hoping to grab some poor girl's ass or steal some dude's wallet. I see Thais, Chinamen, Banglas, and a whole lot of other that I do not know exist.

Oh did I mention, my housing area is probably home to many of them too. I've seen them by the truckloads, probably going home after a tiring day at work.

I love Singapore, it's really multi-racial, huh?

Back to my point: I really. hate. the peak hours.

All I want This Christmas

2008-12-23T00:47:00.004+08:00

Merry Fucking Christmas, everybody.

It's that time of the year again - where mistakes are to be forgotten (sort of) and all is forgiven. Everybody puts aside the drama and sits around a table to have a good, whole-hearted dinner. Christmas decors are up and everyone thinks its the perfect time to give loved ones presents.

Bullshit.

Actually, I don't understand the point of Christmas. If you're celebrating the birth of Jesus, why does tradition say that you need to sit around and be merry? Okay maybe I'm wrong. I Wiki-ed Christmas and well, there's just too much info for me to read so I didn't bother.

I am not in a Christmas mood. Christmas ended last Saturday when the last drop of Vodka dried out.

I've been hit with the blues this festive season, and I've been hit hard. Sometimes it really makes me wonder why people are really one-kind. I don't know, all of a sudden I feel like it's hard to trust everyone all over again.

It's like there's this need to build the bridge of trust once again with everyone. Suddenly everyone seems like they're out to get me.

Maybe it has to do a little bit with work too. I mean, everyone's all merry and going around getting presents for loved ones while I'm stuck behind a desk. I know it's just an internship (meaning I don't really do much) and this is how it's going to be when I'm an adult (oh how I loathe the future now), but still. I'm only twenty and that means I'm still a youth.. sort of.

I should be out with friends but I'm feeling so low and all I want to do is stay home and not do anything else but sleep.

Maybe work could be the reason.

Or maybe it's just my perception. I don't know.. two years ago I felt the same way. Christmas is just another reason for people to get drunk.

So, to everyone who's happily merry-making and wrapping present, Merry Fucking Christmas to you.

I just realised how contradictory this post sounds. It's just a rant.

Life: As I Know It

2008-12-20T00:25:00.005+08:00

I know you'd expect me to blog waaaaay earlier than this, and expecting a Halloween post, Jolene's Birthday post as well as a ZoukOut 09 post.

[caution: morbidity in its peak]

But that's not gonna happen, not today. You can go look at my Facebook pictures if you want, I've got tons of albums. :)

Anyway, as the end of 2008 draws nearer, I can't help but to think of what has been happening over the past few years, and the what-ifs of tomorrow. I'm twenty, and I'll be turning twenty-one in less than 2 months.

So what happens after 30th January 2009? I'll be done with my internship stint at Media Flair, which also means that I'll be done with polytechnic. While I'm at Media Flair, it made me realise how much I miss school (or to be exact, the people and the shit that we do together like getting drunk during class).

I particularly miss last semester, because I made the best out of it.

But you know, the past two years hasn't been all sunshine and butterflies. It's been one heck of a roller-coaster. I think if you've been around me you'd understand - how one person can affect another so much. But it's okay, I've come to terms with that anyway.

The future - its so bleak to me now. I don't know, I need to plan what I want to do for the next 5 years or so (2 of which have already been pre-planned at birth when I was given a penis). And I'm really not too sure of what I want to do or be when I'm all old and paying taxes and shit like that.

The future means independence at its peak; it means decisions, big decisions; it means one wrong move and you're screwed for your entire existence as a homosapien on this home which we call Earth (until 23rd December 2012, if you believe in the Mayan calendar).

How do the adults do it? How did they go through this transitting phase in their life where they can no longer depend on anyone (not even family or friends) but themselves? How do they go about saving a gazillion dollars to purchase property, and to put shit in it?

Family - I would love to have 2 kids; a boy and a girl, just like my family. But how do you know when you really meet the one, like.. the one, you know? And once you've settled down and everything, how does the whole marriage and wedding planning thing go? I'm not exactly the most religious person alive..

Kids - how do you raise them? How do you make sure that they'll grow up to be great people? How do you define great? How do you make time for work AND your kids? How do you teach them to eat, walk, talk, have sex, be mindful of such horrible people in this world that will stab you in the back though they seem to be the greatest people on Earth.. how do you teach them love?

Death - How do you deal with death? How do you come to terms with the loss of someone who has been with you throughout your entire life (I'm talking about your parents here)? I mean, you love them so unconditionally and they've been there to guide you along and all, and even though they might have been mean to you and shit and you've said so much shit to them, how do you forigve yourself after they're gone? Who're you gonna turn to when you're in debt?

I have so many questions, and so little time. Adulthood - I'm really not ready for you, please come back in a few years time, thanks (you could come on 23rd December 2012).

Faux Couple of 2008

2008-11-10T13:46:00.004+08:00

I am sitting here in the dark, feeling dizzy and my head aching all round. It's annoying that I can't even get sleep because they're renovating this block of mine - adding new lifts for every floor. And they're drilling God-knows-what and God-knows-where and it's vibrating the entire block. I can't sleep, me being a heavy sleeper - well, that says something doesn't it?!

Anyway, I know I wanted to continue blogging about Halloween, but that'd have to wait because Fauzi and I found something more interesting to talk about! :D

So, the other day, I think it was the night of Deepavali or something like that. We were hanging out at Woodlands Starbucks (omg what a place to be at) with Nikk, Sarah Nat, Khaidan and Benedict. When we left, Nikk and Sarah Nat stayed to take a cab, whereas Fauzi, Khaidan, Ben and I took the train.

Fauzi and Khaidan stay very near, like.. Khaidan stays at Telok Blangah and Fauzi stays on Alexandra Road, so they can take 97 from Jurong East home. Ben stays at the extended part of Jurong West so he'd take the train from Jurong East to Boon Lay.

So, we all took the train towards Jurong East first.

So after much noise-making and attention-grabbing antics in the train (mind you, it was 11pm+ and there wasn't many people on the train anyway), we decided not go home (well, for them la). They decided to come over to my place and hangout.

We did a lot of really silly, stupid stuff which turned out to be quite fun anyway. Hahaha.

Khaidan's name is damn cool la. He has like, two first names, put together into one first name. But then again, his name is Aw Khai Dan, so it's like his Chinese name, but.. okay I'm confused. Okay whatever, hahahhaa.

Anyway, here's a little something that never fails to make me laugh over, and over, and over again. Because it's just so not like him.

Khaidan and Ben were really, funny. Fauzi and I were doing something and they were both on the bed (cue audience: "oooooh!") taking pictures with Fauzi's Macbook.

I swear, if I didn't know who they were, I'd think that they were a happy couple who just got together and are happily taking photos to remind them of how they were back in their first month whenever they look back in future! Just look at these.

HAHAHAHHAHAAHAHA COUPLE OF THE YEAR 2008, BOYS. HAHAHAHHAHAH!

PS: This is all just a joke. Bye.

Drunkaween 2008

2008-11-04T20:57:00.004+08:00

To be honest, I wasn't very excited about Halloween this year. In fact, I didn't even think I was going to celebrate it at all. Prior to All Hallow's eve, I was riding the blue waves for some reason and I wasn't in the mood to dress up or party.

However, when I saw my friends and the more I got involved with what they were doing, the more I was excited, the better I felt and the more I wanted to party. :D

But the thing was, I didn't get a costume this year, and I had to find one pronto.. or else it's the same old boring one that I used last year. :| What was I? Hahaha that really doesn't matter.

Anyway, so the plan was to meet in school by 7pm to go for the uhh.. NP45 thing (you can read about it here) and then we'll take the chartered bus to Zouk which will leave 8.30pm. BUT, me being me, and Fauzi always being with me, we were late.. as usual.

I had my costume all set and everything, thanks to Cheryl Chew who decided to "donate" one of her uniforms to me. Hahahhahah!

And we were off! I swear it was so kecoh on the bus, okay. Some seats were taken up by our bags (I even brought a luggage, heh) so some of us were on the edge of the seats, holding on to our dear life. The guy that was driving was an old pakcik, so I thought he'd drive slow.

BUT NOO. I WAS SO WRONG.

Age is just a number. Actually, it has nothing to do with age. He drove so fast and so, recklessly, we were bouncing off the walls of the bus and I swear some of us nearly flew out the windscreen! And it wasn't helping that Fauzi decided not to be Cyclops anymore. Instead, he decided to be a major slut. :o

Once we arrived, we went up to the room at Grand Copthorne to dump our nonsense, and then we went back down.

Meet Rebecca, the slutty dead nurse from Seattle Grace.

Meet Ashley aka Fauzi and Cheryl Chew the nurse.

Meet Amy (aka Jason) dressed as William Faquhar (sp?), and Rebecca.
Have I mentioned how fucked up the queue was? So we arrived.. all 16 of us at Zouk at about 9ish. The queue was expectedly, horrendously long. I mean, it took forever for us to even find the back of the queue because it was so damn packed.

I called a friend and some of us joined the queue and the rest of us took turns to go up to the room to put the shit down and do our final touch ups (make up, costume fitting, etc).

Everyone was back down, and everyone was everywhere. We weren't at one place. Some of us got really annoyed trying to find the rest and shit like that. And not only that, there was some confusion with the queue, like, there was one for Phuture and one for Zouk. I couldn't care less if we couldn't get into Phuture.

Whatever it is, I finally found the Zouk queue after a while, and then suddenly Sean told me his friends are in front, so we joined them and called the rest.

Finally everyone was in the same queue, and guess who decided to join us?

[insert picture here]

Hahaha, okay I don't have a picture of them.. but Joyce Peh and Cheryl Hoon were there as well (and a million other people who I didn't get to meet because of reasons that you will know about later in this post).

Okay anyway, we went in. Sad that some of us (like Sarah, Bernice, Shaun Tan and Candy) had to pay because their costumes weren't.. convincing enough to be.. costumes. :| Oh well.

So we went in, waited around and headed straight for the dancefloor (which was crowded with ghouls and costume-cladded people).

I bumped into Paula at the smoking area, and her two friends were pretty funny!

This just looks wrong. Cheryl Chew brought a syringe as well as an accessory to go with the costume. But this photo really just looks wrong. It's like (whoever that was holding the syringe) was extracting brain juice from Benedict (who is known as Georgina).

Rebecca's the drunk, Ashley's the slutty dancer on the podium and Georgina's the sick virgin one.

Lauren (aka Sean) was the other kinky yet normal looking nurse who got drunk that night. OMG more on that later.

Amy, Nicole (aka Bernice) and Lauren. See how Lauren keeps on drinking and has a cock-like syringe in his mouth? Hahhahaah.

Rebecca, Nurul Brittany (aka Sarah Nat) and Kate (aka Sam). Pardon the red bra, it belongs to Kryshelle. Hahahahhaha.

Jennifer (aka Khalisah) was dressed as Tina Turner. At the door, she had to shake her ass just to convince the bouncers that she's Tina Turner. Oh and Monica (aka Edmund) is just.. a slutty IJ girl. Hahahha.

More slut pictures.

I don't know what went into Lauren, but he probably got high really early.

Jennifer looks really good here. Good on you. I never knew this tudung-clad girl was so crazy and rebellious. She's damn funny too, and damn makcik also.

Squeezy much!

Okay anyway. I think this entry has gone on long enough. After a while, like, just before 1am, we went back up to the hotel. That's where more shit happens. (:

Merry Halloween 2008!

2008-11-03T23:16:00.003+08:00

So you want to know what I'm up to tonight? Let me show you.

I haven't blogged in ages, and I haven't sat on my bed with my laptop in months. And my laptop doesn't make noise anymore! Hallelujah!

I didn't even send it for servicing, and it's not laggy anymore. It's a miracle I tell you. A MIRACLE!

Anyway, posts and pics up soon. :D

After two years..

2008-10-20T22:40:00.003+08:00

..a friend and I finally cleared the air about the grudges that we both had for each other. It was long due, and I'm glad I took the first step because he actually thought the friendship was "effectively dead" after the past events that's been taking place over the 2 years.

It was such a waste though, but well.. being brutally honest and actually bothering about friends (or friendships that could potentially end) pays off.

Sorry, I don't want to have anything unresolved before I graduate, thanks. If it's one thing I cherish most, it's my friends.

Sellings VCDs at Chinatown

2008-10-13T14:58:00.004+08:00

An old friend of mine added me on MSN using a new email, and we started talking a bit since we had a bit of time. :o

Hey W , i think about you all day and night says (2:56 PM):
doing fyp.

Advertising is like learning - a little is a dangerous thing. says (2:56 PM):
i'm working now..

Hey W , i think about you all day and night says (2:56 PM):
attachment? where?

Advertising is like learning - a little is a dangerous thing. says (2:56 PM):
i'm attached to media flair. it's at chinatown!

Hey W , i think about you all day and night says (2:56 PM):
selling vcd?

Hey W , i think about you all day and night says (2:56 PM):
lol

Advertising is like learning - a little is a dangerous thing. says (2:56 PM):
HA

Advertising is like learning - a little is a dangerous thing. says (2:56 PM):
no

Advertising is like learning - a little is a dangerous thing. says (2:56 PM):
i'm doing public relations!

Hey W , i think about you all day and night says (2:56 PM):
oh my bad my bad

Hey W , i think about you all day and night says (2:56 PM):
it's an impression thing

Hey W , i think about you all day and night says (2:56 PM):
haha

Hey W , i think about you all day and night says (2:56 PM):
vcds

Hey W , i think about you all day and night says (2:56 PM):
lol

Haha seriously. And then he goes on about the VCD thing. Hilarious. I'm going to update tonight, yay. I'm actually at work now, and I have nothing to do at the moment (first time in 5 weeks!).

Busybusybusy. I need some extra me-time.. or just hit me with some energy so that I can go on without sleeping and still being fit enough to go to work (like how I could stay up all night and go to school).

Poo.

PS: I need to install Photoshop on this laptop, stat! FYI, I'm using the company's laptop as a work station. :o

Selamat Hari Raya and Happy Children's Day!

2008-10-01T13:31:00.006+08:00

Guess who's the upcoming drag queen of Singapore?

Hahaha, you might know who this is, maybe not.. but who cares right!? Hahahaha.

Anyway, I've been busy with work, ever since I started my internship on 15th Sept. Yah, I know I managed to churn out some angsty post about a certain human, only because I was really upset. :\

Work has been great, and until I have time to sit my ass down, edit pictures and recall my great weekend that I planned out for the bff, Jolene. :)

Till then, happy holidays (one fucking day only, they should give us more days so we can visit and collect money) to everyone.

PS: Does anybody know how to do the whole RSS Feed thing for blogs? Apparently my blog doesn't have the RSS Feed shit. Please drop me a comment, thanks!

"Begone"

2008-09-19T05:42:00.006+08:00

I'm so glad we've gotten rid of that pathetic excuse of a human being. We don't need such a dreamer amongst us.

Now we don't need to be sensitive and think about that person anymore. We don't need to let that person freeload us, take our money and ciggarettes and listen to that person whine about not having money for everything, especially when that person uses it on really stupid things.

That person can't keep to her word, like there was this once, Jolene was supposed to get her money back (or rather, her mom's money back because Jolene's mom paid for the Genting trip for her) when that person gets her pay. But hey what does she do with it? She spends it all on one day, paying her ex-boyfriend back (that was stupid really, it's so unimportant).

Not only that, that person doesn't know how to keep her trap. People trust her with secrets but she just has to create more drama. How dumb. And to think you were a supposed BFF.

Then again, your words are so cheap. Please don't come and tell us you love us and do this kind of shit. And don't come and say stuff like, "Oh these are the people that are going to stick around in my life" and stuff like that, when you don't act your words.

We had enough of your shit, and we're happy too that you're out of our lives.

You're horrible, you do know that right? You make use of people.. all the time. Everytime when you lose us, you go, "Oh who needs them", and then go off to someone else. Then suddenly when you're okay with us again, you call us BFFs, and you leave those friends that you suddenly became close with after you fell out with us.

FYI, bff = best friends forever.

The word, "forever" means something you know? Need a definition? Here you go.

Oh and one more thing, we're not the aimless ones here. We have aims, darling. It's just that we dont share it with the whole world, you attention seeking whore. You, on the other hand, dream. That's all you do - dream. You just want people to think "highly" of you, sort of. So seriously, please think before you criticise us. This is not even the tip of the iceberg, just so you know.

You don't think when you talk. You are insensitive and you don't realise that half the things you say insult people. That's just, disgusting. Where did your sense of humanity go? Out the window?

You are delusional, and you're the only one that thinks you're not. You're delusional in so many ways. Haha, no wonder your friends really come and go, because in all honesty, you're the "bad weed".

And maybe we're not emo enough for you.

Apple Does It Again

2008-09-16T21:37:00.003+08:00

But wait, it's just rumours lah. It'd be sooo sweet though.

Rumours say that in October (next month), Apple's gonna be releasing a whole new laptop using its new touch technology shit.

The first thing that came to my mind is, "How overpriced is it going to be?"

But guess what, apparently, "Apple promised a product transition by the end of September with "technologies and features that others can't match" at a profit margin that no one else can approach".

I know right. I can't wait for Oktober. (YAY BIER FEST!)

If you wanna know more, here are some links.. or you can google it yourself.

http://gizmodo.com/5027706/rumor-macbook-touch-coming-in-october
http://macbooktouch.com/
http://www.hardwarezone.com/news/view.php?id=11265&cid=1
http://video.popularmechanics.com/services/link/bcpid1358321681/bctid1364230543
http://video.popularmechanics.com/services/player/bcpid1358321681?bctid=1364230543

Fashionista

2008-09-15T01:37:00.003+08:00

(cue: Jimmy James' supergay-sounding hit single, "Fashionista")

One thing about Singapore that I don't like is the weather.

There's only two kinds of weather you can expect on our little island: rain or shine. I wish we had like, 4 seasons in Singapore so that we can wear different kinds of clothes. Uhhuh, Winter would be great to dress up for the Christmas season and stuff.

I was just surfing the usual sites and saw some nice outfits.

This guy is actually wearing fishnet stockings! First there were the bags and manpurses, girl-clothes for men, scarves, and now fishnet stockings. For all you know, the next thing that's in are skyscrapping stiletto heels (hoorah now we short boys can look tall too). I wonder how long it'd take for fishnet stockings on men to reach our shores.

His shoes are too cute. His socks are too cute.

You see, if you were something like this in Singapore, people will stare and think you must be either crazy, or thin-skinned to the point that you freeze when it rains.. or you're just a true blue fashionista (style over comfort, haha).

Now here's something that's a little familiar, don't you think?

All pictures were taken from The Sartorialist.

Haha, what a pointless entry. I'm starting work tomorrow, good night world.

Hypocrisy

2008-09-12T09:31:00.008+08:00

As quoted from somewhere, "When you don't like someone, it doesn't mean that you can't talk to them".

Seriously. If you don't like someone, why would you even want to bother being nice to them or even talk to them? Isn't the whole point of not liking someone, mean, you don't really want to associate yourself with them?

I mean, don't be nice in front of them, and start bitching about them behind their backs. It's not nice. That's hypocrisy right there. If you don't like them, why don't just show them that you don't like them? I mean, not show like, really show but what I meant was, don't go around giving mixed signals (it applies to love as well, but we shall talk about that another day).

For all you know, the person you're being hypocritical to actually takes you as his/her bff or close friend, or something on that level?

Okay sidetrack a little.

My contact lenses have been a lil' wonky lately, and just last night, or rather this morning, I took a nap in the cab home after Zouk. When I got home to take my lenses out, the left one wasn't in my eyes.

Prior to that, I kept rubbing my eye and I swear, it didn't drop out (that's what I think lah)

Now I'm pretty worried that it's still in my eyeball.. somewhere. :/

Back to topic.

Oh yes I was saying, don't send mixed signals. If you don't like, then send the "Hi I don't like you" signal. If you do, then send the "Hi I really like you.. as a friend" signal. It's quite fucked to send the "Hi I'm okay with you" signal with really, you don't like the person and you have issues with him/her.

Fine, you could say like when the person you don't like, talks to you, you don't want to be rude so you talk to them back. That's a different thing. I'm talking about you making the first move when you know it in your heart that you don't like the person, yet you still chat him/her up and shit like that.

It's funny I was pulled into the picture and thrown the same criticism, but hey, let me explain. It is way different.

When I don't like someone, I don't really talk to them. I don't make the first move. And when the talk to me, I think they know something's off. I don't pretend to care about them and stuff like that. So please, get your facts right.

On a lighter note.. MORE VIDEOS! :D

I Can Sing A Rainbow by Delta Goodrem. It was used in some advertisement long long ago. Haha.

This was pretty impromptu too. Sarah Natasha is craaaaaazy.

I don't know what got into me.

Yeah ohkthxbye!

PS: Just so you know, nothing like this happened to me. I was just a third person looking at the situation.. my two cents worth you see.

PPS: I'm not trying to offend anybody too. So, please.. if you get what I'm trying to say.

PPPS: No D, this isn't about you. Not everything is about you.. HAHAHHA.

Technology Hates Me

2008-09-10T22:47:00.004+08:00

Really. And it's not making me feel very good either.

I think some of you know that my Macbook Pro has been giving me problems as of late. It's been really laggy, as in, the programs and all. My left fan has been making a lot of noise ever since the second last week of school, and I haven't gotten it repaired.

It makes a shit-ass loud noise, really. It sounds like the whole Mac is going to explode in my face.

I can't even edit videos properly, for fuck's sakes.

My Internet connection at home has been wonky the whole week too. Limewire isn't downloading my weekly dose of Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill and 90210 for I don't know what reason. Usually at 5 in the morning, the download speeds go up to 200kb/s, but not for this morning.

Don't even talk about streaming.

It stayed at 2kb/s and even went down to "Awaiting sources". Chee bye.

I can't view any websites as quick as last time on my Mac too: probably because spoilt fan + fucked up Internet connection.

I keep getting disconnected from MSN, and it's annoying because I can't even have a decent conversation with anyone.

Oh, and have I told you about my desktop? Yes that Windows desktop that has all my files; and when I said all, I meant.. ALL my files. It's noisy as well, and the CD-ROM drive wasn't working (it couldn't open, and if it could it couldn't read any CDs) until last night.

And that's when I started playing Starcraft again! :D Hanah I know it's an old game but it's fun nonetheless. I'm going to buy Starcraft 2 soon (and by 'soon', I meant in a few months).

My phone is fucked up as well. Everytime it receives a text message, it hangs. Sometimes when I'm in a call halfway, it hangs up by itself.

Seriously, seriously.

Quickie

2008-09-09T15:42:00.005+08:00

And so the participants in our little video war have been rather active, and we've declared the war on more people, hahahahhaha. So currently there's like, May, Messiah, Jolene, Sherleen, Fauzi, Zameer, Eileen, Sue and Serene. Just go view my Facebook to see the videos! :o

Jolene made a comeback with "I Kissed A Girl", where she teamed up with Sherleen and Messiah (groarrr) and kicked my ass.

No worries, I 0wn3d h3r with a parody of that song called "I Kissed A Boy". The video below is rather, provocative, so please view with an open mind. :)

And then she came up with a gazillion other videos.. and I made more.

The "Wannabe" one was pretty stupid and impromptu, lol so yeah. We were just sitting down there and iMovie was recording and I decided to play the song. No editing was done, except for the title, beginning.

This was taken in either 2006 or 2007, but I used it against them anyway, since Fauzi, Zameer and I were in it, and it was more than a minute, so yeah. LOL.
So there you go. I gotta run, I'm busy with the upcoming camps, Grey's Anatomy, making stupid lip-syncing videos and pre-attachment stuff. :O

More videos to come! :o

Youth Leaders Academy 3

2008-09-03T07:43:00.004+08:00

And yes I know I went missing for a few days last week. I was away serving my duty as a Ngee Ann Ambassador (oh what a great what I am too [please note the sarcasm]) to facilitate the third installment of the Youth Leaders Academy, or YLA for short.

I helped out with the first one and it was great fun.

Okay I know some of you might think I'm a geek who has no life and nothing better to do than to go for camps and help out little kids as they embark on a journey of leadership, but I tell you.. the satisfaction and sense of achievement that you gain at the end of each camp is overwhelming. It's something I cannot describe, and it's definitely something you need to experience for yourself.

It's really rewarding. Think teaching; but only in a span of 3 days.

I went in on Thursday night, because I was part of the Skit and Finale committee, along with Edmund (and Fedora helped too.. I'll talk about this later).

3 schools participated in this run - Saint Andrew's Secondary School, Mayflower Secondary School and Dunearn Secondary School. To be honest, most of us student leaders were very apprehensive towards the SA boys because we thought they weren't gonna listen to us, and boy, were we wrong.

Okay so before I actually start talking about the camp, wanna know where we stayed?

I'll tell you; TheLoft@94.

It isn't much, but here's a.. tour. Oh by the way, the pictures are kinda outdated. These were taken like, a few days before the first installment of YLA.

You walk in, and you see the living room. Oh I forgot to mention, the door has this awesome cool automatic lock thingamajig. Damnit I can't find the video OR a picture of the.. lock thing.

So that's the kitchen, and behind that is the uhh, laundry area. Oh did I mention the whole apartment is air-conditioned? Uhhuh, you got that right. It's as good as a chalet.

Such a pretty hallway; so peaceful.

Room that's on the left door of the.. hallway.

Oh hello fan, I don't know why you're here because there's already the existance of an air conditioner. :\

Room #2; the door on the right of the hallway.

And, the master bedroom. Yes, fully equipped with a toilet in it too. Oh ya, there's a toilet in the hallway too, but I figured I'll just put up one picture of the toilet.. or maybe two.

A fucking balcony.

Tada, the toilet.

Yup. These kids are privileged - camp also get to stay in such a nice.. apartment.

So anyway, they swarmed into the Loft school by school, and then we all just gathered in one common room after everyone was briefed in their individual rooms.

We introduced ourselves, and played some ice-breakers, and got to know each other, yada yada yada I don't think you want me to go into detail now do you?

Oh yes, I forgot to mention, I'm in the Ninja tribe (there are 4 other tribes - Apaches, Centurions, Vikings and Spartans), and for some reason, I didn't get to become the tribe leader this time round. It was Kenny's turn, I guess. So yea.

I'm just gonna uh, skim through the three days.

Ninjas ftw.

So, on the first day after settling in and everything, the campers went for their first leadership workshop. They find out more about themselves and their peers and how to handle people with different styles of leadership. (i.e. Air, Water, Fire, Earth)

Whereas for us, it was time to think up of more cheers, relax, and do stupid things.

Some, like Pris, took each opportunity to sleep. She's such a bimbotic pig, like, seriously.

Meet Kenny, our tribe leader.

So we played this uhh, game. I can't remember how it goes - something about shielding yourself, shooting people and reloading your.. "gun".

Then at night, we had to choose 7 people - 2 for the pageant, 2 for our mascots, and 2 heroes (one female and male). We picked and we didn't tell the other 4 (yeah we only picked 4 cause we forgot about the others that we needed to pick), and organised a whole voting system ala Survivor. This is Gabriel from Dunearn.

Justin ah Justin. Lennon's favourite friend who he is so concerned about, especially when he was away. Heh heh heh. ;)

No he's not mat. He's a cheerleader.

This minah likes to pick a fight with me, ahahahaha.

The iced one. Rugby leh!

Hahaha the SASMB Band Major, sialallalaa. You're full of shit, and you say I'm full of shit. Haha.

Outdanced me. Nah bei you wait let me learn how to pop first, lol.

Oh so quiet, always. The waterpolo guy.

You damn kao pei ah. Hahhaha.

She's so sweet okay I tell you. She gave me a rose made out of tissue, and made a few more and even suggested to give on to the Apache tribe as a token/symbol of our alliance. Very soft-spoken but very sweet at the same time. :)

Haha we didn't really talk that much. :S

You too!

Some SLs and I were in the guys room and we saw her sweeping the floor, cleaning up the dishes and everything (cause her room's just opposite). We went over and told her to get some sleep because it was like, 2.30am? LOL.

It was either you who had the iPhone..

..or you.

OMG THIS PICTURE IS HILARIOUS. Meet my partner in crime, Khaidan. He's stupid, retarded and has a kickass webcam. Hahha. You should die for deleting that picture from my phone. OH do you know what he did when he was sleeping? He's so retarded, he sleep halfway then put his hands in his pants and started rubbing as though he was jacking off. And, the campers in my room were awake by then and they just stood there and watched, like an audience. HAHAHHAHA.

We were about to teach them an alliance cheer.

The Apaches.

Hahha Nikk, we both look so silly.

Cheering time before the workshop starts.

Hahahaha fucker, caught you while you were sleeping. But I think that other picture was more.. interesting. Heh.

We were all so tired.

He ended up sleeping under some table after this.

I only got like, half an hour of sleep cause I couldn't get to sleep the night before. :S

SEE, LOOK AT YOUR PRIS. FOREVER SLEEPING.

I swear I almost collapsed after I woke up. So did Khaidan, ahhahaha.

So after lunch (yay free KFC), some dude from Centurions pushed Apache's wrong buttons and started a.. war. Hahha. So Apache started to retaliate and called for backup - us.

Cheese-y.

I certainly have no idea what was going on.

HAHAHA NING YOU BIMBO YOU'RE SO CUTE. Aiming is definitely not her forte because she threw stuff to people to pass, and it kept hitting them instead.

Ninja SLs minus Fedora, who's always emceeing! :D

BBQ Dinner that we didn't have to BBQ because we had chefs to do it for us!

Hello mascot.

And so it was the second, and last night before the camp comes to an end. They prepared a dance for the competition.

So as they slumber, Khaidan, Pris, Ning, Clement and I went around drawing on people - Yong Boon, Lennon, Kenny. It was so stupid okay, we wanted to go up to Edmund's room, but we keyed in the wrong pin twice and the alarm went off. Then we went down to Nikk's room, but we did the same thing and the same thing happened. Haha so dumb. Khaidan fell asleep, so I took the opportunity to draw on him. I was watching Grey's Anatomy the whole night, heh heh heh.

Prata for breakfast.

On the way to the admin field for the outdoor experiential learning, we practised our alliance cheers. Ooh I didn't realise Khaidan, Nikk and I were in blue. :\ Must've been way too tired.

"Our passion.. is like fire.. burn the whole desert.."

I wasn't part of this cause I was away preparing for the skit.

Boys will be boys.

Yah thanks ah, for pinning me down and vandalising my body and face.

Them too, hahahaha.

The final skit by Edmund and I; that's Khaidan, Chu Ling and Sarah Natasha on stage. It was supposed to be Hazlyn but she had to go off last minute because of family matters. I hope you're okay. :)

And so we say goodbye..

And vandalise some more and toothpaste me. Cheebye, ahhaha.

This is what I've been doing for the past uh, two or three days. Editing pictures and shit to blog about YLA3. :D

Hello. I hope you haven't died from reading such a long.. post. Hahaha. Anyway, if you wanna download all 371 pictures that Pris took during the camp, click here. I painstakingly took the time and effort to download those pictures from Pris' multiply page (you lazy bimbo, ahha).

If I'm bored and have nothing to do, I might just download all the pictures from Kenny's photobucket too, zip it up and put it up for easier downloading. :O

All in all, I've learned much from them as much as they have learned from us (I hope). At the end of the day, new friends are made and blahblahblah. It's really rewarding lah. After I came home, I died for a good 18 hours (from 10pm to about 6pm).

I KNOW RIGHT!?

xoxo, Gossip Girl Season 2 is out, One Tree Hill Season 6 is out, 90210 Season 1 is out, and I can't wait to get my hands on Grey's Anatomy Season 3. Apparently it's being rented out by someone at the nearby Video EZY.

ZOMG, FASTER RETURN SO I CAN BORROW, ZOMG ZOMG.

He Said She Said

2008-08-28T04:31:00.010+08:00

NOTE: Play Sound Effects and Overdramatics by The Used in the background while reading this.

****

Here's one thing I cannot comprehend. If you want to bitch, go ahead and bitch. I really have no qualms about that. I mean, everyone bitches about their friends don't they? And some even bitch about their closest ones too from what I've learnt - through word of mouth, the Internet, voicemails..

But what I don't get it is, why would you want to sprout such falsity during your sessions? It's one thing to bitch about someone when he annoys you by not paying you back the money that he owes for months (plus he said he'd return the moment his paycheck comes), or by confiding in you for every single little thing to the point that it annoys you, or whatever way.. but it's whole different story when you start saying things that aren't true.

Like I said, if you wanna bitch, just bitch. Use FACTS, didn't you learn that with any arguments you might have or want to voice out, you need to back it up with cold hard facts?

But seriously, telling people that Jane (made it up, can't think of any other) is one who believes in "xxx", when in actual fact of it all, she believes in "yyy"? It's even worse that you and Jane are close friends and that you've been with her all this while when she was going through so much trauma when she lost something she loved so dearly. She told you her problems. She let you into her life and you know her so well.

But what would make you spread such lies that would ruin her reputation? Are you jealous of her? Has she been neglecting your feelings? Did she steal your boyfriend away from you (or vice versa, and if you did she's the one that should be bitching about you, slut)?

Even if the answer to those questions is a "Yes", it doesn't give you the fucking green light to tell people (or a person) that Jane believes in something that is totally false and opposite of what she really believes in. That's just slander right there.

Goes to show how much you know Jane, huh? Worse still, it's YOU that appears to believe in "xxx", not Jane.

Secrets; everyone has them. Sometimes you can't help but share it with your (supposedly) best friends. For example, Harry talks to you. He trusts you with his heart and knows that you will keep the secret between your ears and his ears, and he specifically told you not to tell people because it could ruin his reputation.

Background info? Sure. There was this one secret that Harry told you that was, well.. he didn't explicitly tell you not to tell anyone, but it was a no-brainer that he doesn't want people to know either; not that it's something to be ashamed of, but because he has his right to his own privacy.

But hey, you're a loudmouth so you go ahead and talk about it openly about Harry's secret. WELL TOO BAD YOU GOT CAUGHT ANYWAY. But it's okay he forgave you and hopes that you won't do it again.

Anyway, back to that other secret, despite letting Harry down once before, he still told you because you are, afterall, a close friend. But nooooo, you decided to double-cross him again and break the oh-so-hard-to-build trust. You go all out telling people.

But hey guess what, Harry found out again, from the person that you stupidly told! (cue: Beethoven's Fifth Symphony) When Harry asked you indirectly, you just pretended that nothing happened and that everything's cool, and gave an answer that was pretty fucked up.

It's quite sad for Harry, eh. He trusted you again and yet you turn your back on him. For what? Who knows; maybe you're jealous that he's so hot, so hip, so happening.. maybe you think that he's too rich for you, or maybe you think you're too emo for Harry.

What a great BFF you turned out to be, hey! Well, sorry Harry hasn't been hanging out with you anymore not "because [he doesn't] wanna hang out, cause really, that's not the case." He won't leave you lah, because "you are [one of those] that [Harry] hope[s] would stay in [his] life forever."

Yeah, sure.

42 Hours Later

2008-08-27T08:12:00.003+08:00

I've been up since 2pm on Monday. If you think like my Mom and figured that I've been on drugs, well, you're so wrong.

I've just been up doing things that are very non-productive, and it just so happens that the non-productive stuff I do take up a lot of my time. But wait a minute, if it's non-productive, it should mean that I don't produce anything and that it doesn't benefit me in any sort of way, right?

Did I mention I'm on holidays for the next 3 weeks before my internship begins? Uhhuh.

So if doing non-productive stuff to kill time, that means I'm productive because I actually manage to kill time by doing non-productive stuff! :D

My brains are fried, so really, please pardon my stupidity. I'm guessing my intelligence just deteriorates with every second that I'm still.. conscious.

ANYWAY, on a more productive note, Jolene openly waged a video war on me. We haven't exactly come up with the rules per se, but whatever it is, we're just supposed to make videos lah; of what exactly, we don't know yet! Haha, for now it's just lip syncing.. like, really bad, lip syncing.

So bad that it is equivalent to that of Ashlee Simpson! :o

Okay, here we go.

Like Serena van der Woodsen.

2008-08-26T03:58:00.007+08:00

Like Serena van der Woodsen's return in the first episode of Gossip Girl, I am back too.

Gee I haven't really been blogging as much (if you haven't already noticed the 11-month hiatus) here ever since PseudoPath.Org was shut down. I had a few reasons though, and I know I'm going to sound really, really practical.

The whole domain was given to me by a good friend of mine from Secondary School, Zhen Guang, as a birthday present back in uh, let's see.. 2005 or 2006 if I'm not wrong. And I've never had to pay for unlimited bandwidth and almost-unlimited space, until there were a few complications within the company.

So there was a change of staff and shit, and my domain was expiring soon. I asked some people some questions, and well, they wanted to charge me quite a hefty price to continue using the services. I decided to shut it down.

I mean, with all the benefits a domain brings (i.e. uploading almost any kind of files from images, sound clips, songs, porn.. you get my drift), there are still the free uploading shit services online (which usually sucks because there's a limit, or it lags, or something fucks up).

I decided to shut it down and move over to LiveJournal. Ever since it shut down, and because of my lack of intelligence to back up all the photos, if you were to read any posts from my archives, you will notice that many, if not all, the pictures are missing/broken/etcetera. Boohoo for me, I know right?

Like I was saying: I decided to move over to LiveJournal.

I became aquainted with it, and actually felt more comfortable pouring my feelings there. Though most of the time the posts were pretty much ambiguous, it was still personal. Haha I bet if I were to re-read them, I wouldn't understand 75% of the shit I've written (that was a lie). And oh I signed up for photobucket too, and I've been active on Facebook, and my Friendster is pretty much non-existant already...

And now I'm back here, blogging on The Once PseudoPath.Org turned The Bedroom Sessions and well, I want to start doing what I enjoy again.

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Okay enough with the explanations and shit. The past year or so, has been.. one heck of a roller-coaster ride (so cliche, but really). I'm really glad I've got friends like Jolene (OMFG GONDU I LOVE YOU XOXO SEE YOU TOMOLO) to help me see through such an ordeal. I fucked up my Sophomore year in Polytechnic, causing my grades to suffer horribly.

But hey, don't get me wrong, the past year wasn't all bad.

I had some really fucking good times as well. Memories will be memories anyway.

I think I've changed over the year too. I.. smoke more, drink more, eat more (I cannot believe how fucking huge my appetite is now), party more.. Haha. I managed to pick myself up slowly during Senior year, and look where I am now.

I AM DONE WITH STUDYING FOR THE NEXT 2 TO 3 YEARS.

I'll be heading for my internship in the middle of next month, so that will be something to look forward to. Trips at the end of the year, plus the middle of 2009 as well. It's going to be one heck of an exciting journey ahead.

If you don't already know, I've already hit the 2-0 last February. I didn't have a whole humongous extravagant party like I did for my 18th; I just had a very quaint little dinner by Clarke Quay with my close friends. Oh, and I went to Genting after that dinner too.

I'm so old, I can almost feel my fucking bones aching. So much harm's been done to this petite little body of mine. Haha. Okay whatever, my 21st birthday is coming. Hoorah for me?

Soon.

2008-08-05T20:11:00.001+08:00

Guess who's returning to the wonderful world of blogging!

Happy 100th

2007-09-13T07:01:00.001+08:00

So Steph and I were talking crap while she waits for her Mom to leave the house for work, so that she can go over to her boyfriend's place.

We started talking about the Sandman, and the Boogeyman.

Apparently, Steph is the bigger bimbo.

steph c // DEAD TIRED. says:
i thought is like PISAIMAN

one-dimensional. says:
wtfff

steph c // DEAD TIRED. says:
BOOGEY=PISAI

one-dimensional. says:
that's BOOGER la.

one-dimensional. says:
lol

steph c // DEAD TIRED. says:
HAHAHAHAHAA

steph c // DEAD TIRED. says:
OMG SO PAISEH

HEHEHEHEHEHEHE.

Anyway, here's a very overdue video that Steph, Janice, Kelson and I did when we got bored. :D ENJOY!

I Want To Be The Place You Call Home

2007-09-12T16:47:00.001+08:00

He walked up the dark and cold staircase with flickering lights, wearing sadness on him. The thoughts that filled his mind was enough to fill a room. With every step he took, he teared. He reached for his keys in his bag and unlocked the gate.

He tiptoed his way through the living room that was filled with darkness to avoid waking up the one that guards the house.

He takes a rock glass and fills it with vodka. He gulped it down, and filled another.

He sits down in front of his desktop, with the intention of penning down every thought that was running through his tired and wasted mind.

But all he could come up with, was this.

Post Advertising

2007-08-16T17:23:00.001+08:00

Oh my fucking God, the semester is almost over.

It's been one crazy semester. No more Media Management, no more Newswriting (but there's Feature Writing next semester), no more Media Research Methods, no more TV Studio Production and most importantly, no more Advertising.

Fuck, I swear Advertising almost killed every single one of us MCMers, especially when you have a lecturer who's so hard on you. But you know, the whole experience has been pretty fruitful.

Being the Art Director, and working with Joyce during the last few weeks of the semester has been really fun - travelling up and down to take photos, squeezing our brain juices to come up with new ideas and concepts, all the nonchalant times in the atrium, ice wine @ Balcony (with Timmy!), seeing a komodo (Joyce says it's Kodomo, hahah) dragon (or was it a monitor lizard) at MacRitchie Reservoir, nearly being stung by a wasp/bee in MacRitchie Reservoir, going to MacRitchie Reservoir for the first time, bitching.

God, it was actually, fun. We had stayovers at Sheereen's house, Joyce's place and my house too. But you know, ultimately, by the time it hits 2am, Sheereen dies. Then by 4am, everyone dies.

The day before the final presentation, we finalised everything that had to be in the slides. Then, Joyce and I, being the really anal and creative ones in the group, decided to revamp the whole slides.

We thought it looked quite boring and, cliche.

So we stayed in school to touch up until we got chased out.

We had no choice but to sit at the bus stop to do our work. We wanted to have access to the internet still. Ha, NP rocks la; bus stop still got connection to NPNet.

It looked too plain, so it was up to us to zhng the slides.

After a while, our batteries started to die on us. There weren't any powerpoints anywhere around either, so we walked down to Macs at KAP.. at 1.20am.

We reached, and we saw their opening hours; (can't remember what time) to 2am.

How fucked up is that?

LOL, oh well, so we went down to the only area that has powerpoints only to find out that it's being used. Ha, so we ended up eating and not doing work. I took the presenation file home to do. Woo, okay.

So there we were, outside the classroom, waiting to be judged by the unforgiving lecturer and his guest. Everyone was touching up their slides, rehearsing their lines and trying to calm down.

Then it was our turn. The last time we'd actually be touching Advertising.

We came out, feeling absolutely euphoric.

Why?

The guest who sat in actually praised us. Mind you, we've never been praised for our efforts in Advertising before. Ziggy just likes to put us down and reject ideas and not listen to explanations and.. the list goes on.

She even mentioned that if we had our big idea done in a different way, it would've been better.

And you know what's pissed us off?

Her "different way", was actually our very first idea that we came up with, which Ziggy so conveniently rejected and told us to come up with a whole new concept.

Fuck..

Anyway, the presentation went quite well la. Did I already mention that?

Ha, I forgot to introduce my group. We're called Mojo Creatives. I don't know how we came up with the name. I came up with the logo and I put a monkey just because, our "company" name reminded me of Mojo Jojo!

Our "company" is supposed to be full of vibrancy and life. We're supposed to be a fun compa..

Why am I telling you all this boring shit?

Anyway here's who's who in the group.

Meet Joyce See.

She was the Creative Director before, but halfway through, Ziggy decided to change her role with Sheereen. But anyway, working with her was great because we could work so well together. Same frequency lah that's why. It was fun doing creatives with her. (:

This is Sheereen Teo.

Her name has so many 'e's inside. She's Muslim by the way, how interesting. I never knew that until I saw that thing above her bed when I went over to do work.

This is Shirinderjit Kaur.

She likes to panic a lot. She's hardworking and all and sometimes gets on my nerves. She's a great friend and all, and an excellent worker. She's Punjab (or is it Punjabi?), but everyone calls her Indian to annoy her.

And here's more pictures.

So yes, fuck Advertising, fuck this semester.
Holidays are here, so let the boozing begin..

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

2007-07-05T15:41:00.001+08:00

It's a sneak preview and it's only SG$8, so what are you waiting for? Email her for tickets/enquiries now, or leave a comment here! (:

The movie begins 12th July 2007.

Do You Like Advertising?

2007-06-29T14:54:00.001+08:00

I fucking hell don't.

Two nights ago, my group came over to finalise everything because we had an interim presentation the day after. We've been working on it for a while already. Our dear dear lecturer keeps rejecting our ideas so we keep changing.

Ugh, it gets quite tiresome.

So anyway, Joyce was the last one to reach. She put her things down and I asked her if she wanted to put them in my room instead. She said no, so I just showed her my room.

The first thing she did, was to jump on the bed. And guess what?

There was a fucking loud sound, like something broke. It was a familiar sound (haha will explain later). So we both kinda, froze for a while.

And then I remembered where I've heard that sound before.

It was the sound my old bedframe made, when it broke about 4 years back. And it wasn't no different this time because when I lifted up my mattress, I saw [insert noun] and smiled to myself and started laughing.

HAHA.

Yes. That's the result of Joyce jumping on my bed. Hahaha, but it's all fine la, it's not as though she broke more than 1 plank of wood, so I still can sleep on it.. or maybe I should get a new bed.

YAY!

The night was pretty fucked up lah. Just look at Shirin's face, and you'll understand. All of us were trying our best to keep awake because we didn't really have much sleep the night before.

Oh, and the night before, we slept over at Joyce's place.

But the funny thing about the night was that, all of us were becoming crazy. Literally crazy. For example, Joyce got locked in the toilet, and she couldn't come out.

Okay well, that doesn't really show us being crazy, but still, it was funny. Haha.

She made several attempts at opening the door, but she couldn't. I could hear her struggle from the living room already. Shirin and I were giggling away. Then she shouted for help.

Haha.

Yes, fuck it.

Sheereen was funny too. She ran around the house and did Jumping Jacks just to keep herself awake. Her eyes were watery and red. It was quite, bad.

Food kinda kept us awake for a while. We ate bread that we spread with Nutella. It's the shit ballz.

Let Joyce tell you why.

Sheereen took a 15 minute nap.

After which all of us died.

Last Night

2007-06-25T02:16:00.001+08:00

Last night, or rather, on Saturday night, I webcammed with the most horrid monster that you could ever meet! Even worse than Shrek, and even worse than my monstrous hair aka tentacles from an octopussy (HAHAHAHAH).

OH. Talking about the shit that is my hair, I went down to Holland V to get my hair cut at 8pm (half knowing that it's already closed). I went up and guess what! It was closed already. Gah, that means I have another few days to ponder whether or not I should snip, chop, trim, thin and what not.

It's getting quite unmanageable (is there such a word?).

ANYWAY.

Back to the horrible monster that is worse than my hair and Shrek.

Whao. Would you look at that! She has white, furry hair, and a big mouth.

Now she's angry. Beware, she might open her big mouth and like, swallow you whole like a snake!

Don't be fooled by her "innocence"! She's just trying to seduce men by singing to them, and then eating them up!

Watch closely.

She's making her move..

Now she's showing off her thick, wet, red lips.

She grew Shrek ears to look cute (she probably ate him up already, and spat out the ears!)

Then she speaks.

Haha, come on.

Anyway, Putri just showered and she felt like being pretty that night, so she decided to wear a face mask. And it just so happened that I got to see it, and we were webcamming. So I thought, "What a great opportunity to blog!"

Heh.

This was all for fun. You know I still love you! :D

It's Been A While

2007-06-23T20:05:00.001+08:00

Fuck.

Yes I know it's been a while since I blogged, but you see, I've been so busy with my own life (and partly because I've been to lazy to maintain this blog).

But well, I'm here now, and I'm blogging now, and ya.

I don't know what the hell I'm saying really.

Much has happened over the past 2 months. There's that Batam trip that I've yet to blog about (it's so outdated, I know, but I had a ball of a time, so it's blogworthy). Then there's the Genting trip that I recently went last weekend with Jun Wei, Putri and her family.

It's been 2 years since I stepped into Malaysia, and 7 years since I went to Genting.

Can you imagine the amount of excitement I had in me? Yah I know it's just across the Causeway, but still! It was still exciting.

Then we embraced the Year 1 Ambassadors in the Training & Bonding Camp last week. My team and I were in charge of making the Amazing Race-like game which we aptly named The Ambassadors' Code.

Hmm, besides all this, I've had work to do. Piles of projects and assignments, but that's really just the norm isn't it? So I shant bore you with my endless rants about school.

I was in a relationship for about a month, and then got out of it too. But it's all good, we're even better friends now. (:

That's basically it - my life in the past two months; summarised.

Shit, I am good. Oh and by the way, I have fucking shit hair just about now. Wanna see how bad it is?

I'm the one in the middle, in case any of you dimwits have forgotten how I look. This was taken at Genting Theme Park on the second day. From left to right, that's Jun Wei, me, and Sufi (Putri's cousin).

So my hair has grown since January (yes it has been that fucking long). I did a Mullet, and it has grown to look like this - a monstrosity. I swear, my hair has a fucking life of its own. The bottom part of the back of my hair are like tentacles of an octopussy (heh I know its supposed to be octopus, just shut up and read).

I don't know what to do with my hair now. I was actually thinking of thinning it out but leaving the length or something.

Or maybe straightening it, but not to the extent where it looks so fucking flat. Straighten it, but still have the natural curls left. Ahh, I don't know how to put in words. Maybe I'll try to find a picture or something okay.

Ohh, and in the recent months, I fell in love with my new hat! :D

What do you think? :D Mwahahahah. Okay I need to go do something more productive now. Goodbye.

HAPPY BIRTHNYEEENG SAMUEEENG!!

2007-05-18T00:20:00.001+08:00

It's been an interesting journey hasn't it; how our friendship only grew although we already knew each other.

It's great to know you, Sam. I hope you have a good 18th today, and maybe great birthdays in years to come. :D

God Reads

2007-05-10T00:29:00.001+08:00

After posting that really mindless entry on the weather in Singapore yesterday, things took a turn for the better today.

It rained.

I think God reads my blog from up there, and like, answered my uh, desperate calls for a cooler climate. But I think in exchange for rain, I'm coming down with a fever. Damnit I can just feel it coming.

It's probably due to the ridiculous amount of work that I have to do. I have a TV Studio Production script to do, I need to mount my ad on the board (which I should've done a week ago), I need to research on political stuff for Media Management, and uh, I need to complete my Brand Ad analysis (something I'm also supposed to have completed a week ago).

Yes I know I'm procrastinating and wasting time by blogging but well, I need to bitch sometimes, right?

So, people have been talking, and the word has been spreading. Annoying it is, but it's a part of each of us that we deny. We say we hate these kind of people but we do it ourselves and we deny it, and condemn others for it.

Why?

Because gossipping is something that people find fun in doing - indulging in one's misery makes another feel superior, doesn't it?

Stop lying, you know you bitch about people too.

Thanks a lot, now fuck off. I am not fake.

Perception

2007-05-08T15:44:00.001+08:00

Between a hot and humid weather and cold and freezing climate, which would you prefer?

Fucking hell the answer is obvious. I don't know if you'd like, agree with me but, I'd definitely prefer the cold and freezing climate. Well at least Putri agrees, cause she's nodding her head vigorously beside me and shaking the whole damn laptop.

Why?

Simple. Just look at us here in Singapore. We're living in a country where the weather is either rain or shine, and it's fucking humid, EVEN AT NIGHT. You turn on the fan, and all it gives out is warm air. It blows warm air ONTO you. How fucked up is that? And if you turn on the air-con, it'd make the air in the room very dry.

Worse still, it'd make your skin and throat dry too, especially so if you sleep in an air-conditioned room. It is unhealthy for a person. So, let me carry on with why I prefer a cold and freezing climate.

If you're in a cold and freezing climate right, if you're feeling cold, you can just dress up and wear more clothes. And you can get to wear those really good looking winter clothes that have fur, be it real or fake, it'd still look nice. The point is that, the colder you are, the more layers you can wear to keep yourself warm.

And keeping warm is a very nice feeling.

Especially when you're with someone special - your mom, dad, sister, girlfriend, boyfriend, best friend - and sipping on a nice cup of hot chocolate with marshmellows. Sweeeeeeet.

So yah, there you go. :D

The whole reason to why I decided to write a mindless entry like this is because of Singapore's current weather. I don't know what's happening (other than global warming and all that shit blah blah blah) but it's getting really hot and humid here.

In the morning, I perspire when I walk out from my apartment all the way to the bus stop (which is only 5 minutes away!). In the afternoon, like, at 12pm, everywhere is just humid like fuck, even though there're fans.

Like at Canteen 1. You enter the canteen and all you feel is HEAT HEAT AND MORE HEAT (plus the smell of all the different kinds of food, which doesn't smell too good, hmm, but that's not the point). Did I mention the Atrium? There're no fans there and I'd just like, die staying there. ZOMG.

"It's damn hot in the Atrium I feel like I'm going to explode," says Rui Ming, a Year 2 student who is enraged at the humidity of this country as well.

Oh and yes, at night, when it's supposed to be cool, it's not. It's like the morning. Just last night, I felt super duper warm and sticky and icky and all, I decided to take a cold shower. After a while, with the fan spinning directly at me, I started perspiring again.

It's crazy I swear. I just wish for the December, AT LEAST.

Note: I was too lazy to research on the effects of air conditioners on humans so I just based my answers solely on my personal opinions. If you're here to find fault with what I have to say then fuck off okay. And about the winter wear, I was too lazy to put up pictures of winter wear.

PS: I wish it snowed in Singapore, or rather, I wish it was Autumn all-year round. Gah, this is such a mindless entry.

Dynamic Swell

2007-05-02T01:15:00.001+08:00

I need to fucking tidy up my room. It's in a fucking mess - clothes, bags, notes, colognes, bottles of water, accessories, chargers, cameras, bags - all over the place.

So I'm going into the third week of my Second Year in Mass Comm. In the first lecture, we were introduced to all our modules - Newswriting, Media Management, Media Research Methods, TV Studio Production and Advertising.

Oh btw, we got Ziggy (again) for Advertising, sigh.

Anyway, like I was saying, after the first lecture, most of us got really scared of Year 2 - all the projects and shit. Not only that, we're all in different classes now. Most of my buddies are in the other classes. Oh poo.

But it is okay because I have Shirinderjit Kaur Bujit Bazhuar Posan Ziaqchblueh Hamasaki Hooti in my class. So it's been pretty smooth sailing..

..so far.

On Monday night, Gilbert and I went over to Denise's house for some drinks, since they invited us over. Jordus, Jia Xin, Florance, Paul, Naveen (sp?) and some other really quiet guy was there as well. It was supposed to be some Mass Comm thing, but there wasn't many people there.

But it was still fun. Some people were already quite, gone, when we arrived.

At about 2.30am, Jordus, Jia Xin, Gilbert and I decided to take a walk down to Al-Ameen for supper. It was quite a distance away so we decided to do some stupid stuff so that psychologically, it'd be a short walk.

(fuck it was really far)

So we started to piggy-back each other.

I was on Jordus (haha so wrong) at first. Then I was on Jia Xin.

Then I tried doing something really silly. I asked Jordus to jump on my back so that I could piggy-back him. So when he did, immediately after he jumped on I fell forward and started tumbling all over the road.

It was.. fucking hilarious.

Then we started to piggy-back everybody else.. okay well just Gilbert and Jia Xin, and blahblah you know the rest lah.

It was funny when I piggy-backed Jia Xin, because she was on properly and I wanted to run, then we ended up falling all over the place also.

Then when Gilbert tried to piggy-back Jia Xin, she was like, senget (not straight). One of her leg was being carried and the other was just suspended in the air. Haha. Aiya, no pictures so it's quite hard to describe.

It was a funny night. Really. We were singing our group cheers as well.

Supper went well, just that Gilbert forgot to bring his wallet down. When we got back, we went into the room and well, some people were kind of, gone already.

Paul and his five Double Cheeseburgers from McDonalds.

There was no more space left in Denise's room, so the four of us decided to just laze around in the living room.

I slept with Stacey on the floor. This bitch is horrible I tell you. She kept jumping over me to get somewhere, and jumped over when she wanted to go back to sleep. Not only that, she so conveniently took the corner that I was so comfortable sleeping in.

We were fighting over that corner, really.

I was sleeping, and then she started licking my face lah, my eye lah, my lip lah. There was once she even scratched me, and kicked my face.

As Carmen would say, WAH LAO EHHHHHHHHHHHH.

She was being a true bitch, seriously. Haha yes, bitch = female dog. :D See lah, I ended up sleeping at her butt. Groarrr.

On Tuesday, it was something like a "reunion lunch" withLaura at KFC. We met up for lunch and had a Buddy meal that consisted of two pieces of chicken, that new thing called Melts, coleslaws, whipped potatoes and drinks.

The KFC Melts thing was really good, but both Laura and I believe that it should be thicker and have more filling. I mean, it was really, puny and thin. But honestly, it tasted pretty good.

Then it was off to Donut Factory at Raffles City.

We queued up for a whooping 3 hours, 3 minutes & 4 seconds. It was crazy I tell you, but it was really great that I got to spend time with Laura after that incident and the really long cold war. It was really, warm.

The 3 hours spent in the queue was fun too because we were talking and playing silly games that we played in our childhood!

After getting the donuts, it was off to Jurong Point to meet Jolene and Carmen. We bought dinner from Banquet and went to our usual hangout place to eat - Block Merah.

So we relived our past, talked about the present and dreamt about the future - all within 4 hours. So, Jolene would've invented a technology that only she will be using, and Carmen will have a corner specially made for Champagne in her toilet in future! (inside jokes, sorry).

No pictures, but having Jolene and Carmen around, means a lot of fun. (: I miss you guys a lot, sorry I've been so busy.

A Series of (Un)fortunate Events

2007-04-23T21:56:00.001+08:00

Why is the "Un" in the word "Unfortunate" in brackets? Well seeing as how the day went, it can be viewed in two perspectives. There's a lot of bad things that happened, but it was complemented with good things too. Haha, read on. (:

(Oh by the way, just for the record, I hated the movie. I found it lame and boring.)

So I was supposed to go over to Putri's place at 12pm. However, I woke up late because I went clubbing the night before and only got to sleep at 8am. And that's not a bad thing. Why?

Because she spent the entire morning cleaning up her room (she's revamping her room), and she wasn't quite finished so she was quite thankful that I DID oversleep. Haha. So anyway, I packed up and took a cab down to her place.

Instead of taking a shower, she decided to take a nap while I was on the way there because she was just too tired after cleaning up. Haha, so when I reached, she was all smelly and sticky and dirty and.. (insert disgusting adjective here).

Really.

So I waited for her to shower and change and all. It was bad enough I woke up late and reached her place at like what, 2pm plus, but she took sooooooooooo long to shower. =/ Girls. Hoho.

She put on a brown spag top and a skirt, trying to go for the boho look. LOL, I thought she was gonna wear like, a longer skirt but she said she threw them all out. HAHAHAHAHA. Okay.

As we left, we noticed dark clouds gathering above us, and as far as our eyes could see. I kinda freaked out because the day couldn't get any worse. Just look at the fucking clouds, gahhh!

NYEEEENG! Even the Ultraman-playing-the-alto-saxophone-on-my-tee can't help us! (can somebody translate what those Japanese character mean?)

So we went down to Shop&Save that's like, just downstairs (fucking convenient lah) and immediately went to look for Tuna. Haha, I don't know why, but Tuna just, appeals.

Picking out the cans from the shelves and stuff sure did bring back some.. memories. Haha I can't be bothered to eleborate but I think maybe you'd know what it's about. Oh well. You know what Putri was busy with while I was picking out food?

HURR. Can you see the annoyed look on my face?!

Haha no lah I was just kidding. (: So we bought everything, and then we went back to the block. As we were about to get on the lift, I suddenly remembered something.

"We didn't buy bread. And I'm pretty sure that you don't have bread at home."

With all the mishaps, we decided to go back to get bread because we didn't wanna go up to check, ONLY to go back down to buy bread. So we bought a loaf of bread.

Whao, check out those muscles.

We tried to find a Butterfly Corkscrew but they didn't sell. And I was being all dumb by going into Guardian just to check. Haha.

Just trying to be artsy fartsy.

When we got home, I asked Putri to find the Champagne Flutes. Apparently, the ones she showed weren't champagne flutes at all; they were wine glasses. LOL. She went to get the basket from her store and we started making our sandwiches.

We bought Tuna Tom Yam, and Tuna with Mayonaise.

Oh, we bought a bottle of mayonaise because we wanted to make egg mayonaise sandwiches, but when we got back, we realised that her house was short on eggs. -.- And by the time we realised this, it had already begun to pour. GAHHHH.

Putri can't spread for nuts (no pun intended, you sick fuck), so I took over the job and she just wrapped the sandwiches. So after we were done with the sandwiches, we put everything into the "picnic basket" (you'll see why it's in inverted commas) and decorated it (so that it'd look nice).

Such a pretty basket right?

Okay it's not exactly a basket basket, but it was FINE. Putri took flowers from her living room to decorate it because it looked a bit plain. Haha.

So off we were to..

Takashimaya Shopping Centre. We haven't gotten our champagne flutes and butterfly cockscrew. And while we were in the cab on the way there, we realised we forgot to bring the mat. -.-

And by the way, it was still raining. Gah, so anyway, on the cab, Putri and I were just snapping away as usual. Haha.

And I decided to do a Chek Wye.

There was so much traffic on Orchard that the cab driver suggested dropping us off at the Mandarin Hotel. Gah, so we just agreed and decided to walk over. When we got out of the cab, the sun was shining with all its glory and we were so euphoric. LOL.

We managed to get everything at Taka, so we went over to Wisma to get a cab.

The queue was long, so I called one. We waited for so long, and the cab finally came. It was a Mercs cab, so I guess the wait was worthwhile.

"How come you all never come into the cab earlier?" the cab driver asked.

"You were there all along meh? We didn't expect our cab to be a Mercs what, cause I called Comfort."

"I went in and out of the taxi stand 3 times, till I even made friends with the security!" he answered.

It was hilarious lah. The day was going so bad, but so good at the same time. It was memorable even BEFORE we had our picnic. :D

FINALLY WE ARRIVED.

We took at 10 min walk into the big patch of greenery near the Symphonic Stage and settled there. On our way, there was really good scenery all over the place.. the lake, the mist, the statue in the middle of the lake.

Can't imagine? Look at some of these:

You can go see the other pictures in my Photo Pages. (:

We walked over and placed our mat down. The grass was still pretty wet and we got our feet a little muddy. Oh did I mention, our mat is actually a table cloth, and it has holes. So after we layed out our "mat", we sat down, and my pants and her skirt got wet and muddy and dirty and.. yah, you get the picture.

It was so outstanding lah. Within the same vicinity, there were only like, 2-3 families with their mats; only ours was of a really bright & striking colour - yellow. We did what most people would do on picnics..

we ate and drank..

took photos..

and had fun under the extremely blue and clear sky.

We decided to open the Moet & Chandon in the evening, and Putri was blasting downtempo music on her MP3 Player. I got so excited to open that I had spasms.

We had our share of champagne and stayed at Botanic Gardens till about 9.30pm. We were just lying around and looking at the stars (the sky was so clear, as though it was all planned) and bumming around and.. yeah basically, we were just basking in the presence of each other.

It was an enjoyable and unforgettable picnic. (: Buenas noches!

A Quick Update

2007-04-12T19:21:00.001+08:00

These two months have been really fun. I've been so busy most of the time that I don't have much "alone-time", and thus the negligence of this blog.

I haven't been updating so I'm just gonna post up some pictures of what's been happening since February (fuck I know I'm so outdated and that I've been wanting to blog about the events in February but well, fuck it cause I have so much other things to blog about - like the Batam Trip and how FOC was so much fun).

Haha.

Tuesday, 6th February 2007
We were treated to lunch by the Principal for our efforts in the recent Open House 2007. And my, it was a great buffet. (: We ate at Goodwood Hotel which was beside Far East Plaza. Quite a nice hotel.

The Year 1s going Year 2.

It is so true.

Haha, the bitching session at Starbucks.

Le Himbros.
Friday, 9th February 2007
The Saints had their concert on this day, and Timmy was performing. Putri and I were late (as usual) for the concert and missed a few good songs. Damnit. But it was a wonderful concert (as expected).

Repertoire.

The typical undecent photos that we take.

Hoho, I bumped into Julie, my section member!

Intense devotion.

Trigger happy kid.

Le outfit for the night.

I just like this a lot. Haha.

Le femme.
Monday, 19th February 2007
The day where my group submitted the God forsaken Written Communication Proposal. Phew, everyone was rushing on that day to meet the damn deadline. My group was pretty much done already, so we didn't have to rush much.

To celebrate, we went over to Alumni Clubhouse to get some food, and on the way there, we saw Ziggy's jeep and decided to write a little note for him.

"Hello Ziggy! See you next sem for Advertising. Love, T102/T102 06/07." And indeed, he's my Advertising tutor now. -.-

Goodbye T107. Hello T205.
Saturday, 24th February 2007
We celebrated Kai Lin's 21st birthday at National Service Resort & Country Club (NSRCC). Damn big chalet la, and good food too. (:

The theme was Green!

Friends for life.

Happy 21st!
Friday, 9th March 2007
It was the FOC Trial Camp, and boy did I have fun. My group, Agravaine, was allianced with Dagonet and hence, Dagovaine. (:

Me - the cockface.

You can hardly see me here. THANKS AH GILBERT.

Just look at Gilbert and Zul. Whao whao whao.

It's all about us.
Monday, 12th March 2007
The day started out pretty slow. Met Putri, Jolene and Gilbert at Raffles City. Then went to St James at night for Romp 2. LOL, honestly, I can't remember much of that night because I got wasted. Haha.

Donut Factory!

And then it was Romp 2!

Friday, 16th March 2007
My group went out to Chinatown to buy our identities - Sunglasses. Then it was off to Arab Street and Powerhouse! (:

Alex looks ~~pretty~~ like a fly.

See, another non-decent photo.

Rarely see decent ones, God.

Ngee Ann gives that somethin' xtra. LOL.
That's pretty much it. Actually no, there's so much more but I haven't gotten pictures up yet so yea.

Life has been full of fun and laughter lately. And I've gotten closer to more people as of late. I've been out most of my holidays doing things for FOC, or just hanging out with my buddies. I haven't had proper sleep for over a month.

School is starting already, and that means I need to sleep more soon. Actually, when school starts, that means even less sleep.

More so since I'm doing the Advertising semester first. Fuck.

Alive

2007-03-12T22:26:00.001+08:00

Just so you know, that I'm still alive and kickin'.

Holla, if you're still readin'.

January: Crashing MI, Sparks V

2007-02-26T01:05:00.001+08:00

I'm going to compile the rest of the January events here! Here goes.

Crashing MI (030107)
One fine Wednesday in the new year, I decided to skip my IS and decided to go for MI's PAE Orientation since I have friends that's posted there (i.e. Fauzi & Randy, and I have friends there anyway).

It was definitely a trip that was worthwhile. (:

Meet my new friends - Jotham, Mabel and Cheryl!

It was really nostalgic when I put my uniform back on. I was already kinda late, and I had to rush down to the new campus!

It was really stupid though, everyone had assembled on the track, and the DM was telling the teachers to pull out everyone who was breaking uniform rules - their parents will be called and they were to be sent home.

So I panicked and I tried to runaway. This teacher caught me, and asked me to go back to my seat when I gave an excuse that I needed the toilet. So I went back, and walked up the other side and hid in the toilet.

Haha, anyway, somewhere along the beginning of the day, I met Linus, some guy who knew me from last year's PAE. He was originally from MI and he quit and is now in SIM. Hohoho.

Then it was the really boring talk in the hall about subject combinations and all that crap. That's when the fun began. We started talking and sat in a circle. We were quite obnoxious really, shouting out random shit and making fun of people.

Marcus, Fauzi and I made an attempt at being twits.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.
And then it was break. We went down to the canteen and found a place to sit and got some grub. Then I ran into some complications with some teacher. Whatever, and then it was games, and school ended after that. Mmm. Eventful day, I must say. (:

I really miss the MI days - skipping classes, hanging out in town, bitching, camwhoring, drawings, exchanging of uniforms. Heh, but we all have to move on someday (right Rui Ming?).

It was fun being an IJ Boy for a minute.

It was fun being a Barker Boy for a day.

It was fun being in MI for 3 months.
Thanks for the memories.

Sparks V (130107)

The year started out pretty quickly, and before I knew it, the concert day came!

I was quite sceptical about this concert because for some reason, I felt really unprepared. But nonetheless, I gave it my all and it ended on a high note. (:

Here's the repertoire:
The Music Makers - Alfred Reed
Stabat Mater Dolorosa - Masanori Taruya
In The Spring At The Time When Kings Go Off To War - David R. Holsinger
Rhapsody for Concert Band and Jazz Ensemble - Arranged by Sammy Nestico
Star Wars: Concert Selection - Arranged by Toshio Mashima
Hitomi Wo Tojite - Arranged by Endo Yukio
Epilogue (Sax Ensemble) - Toshiyuki Honda
Glenn Miller's Medley (Sax Ensemble) - Arranged by Yasuhiro Koyama
Gospel Medley (Sax Ensemble) - Arranged by Takashi Hoshide
Japanese Graffiti XI - Arranged by Takashi Hoshide
American Graffiti XVI "Oldies" - Arranged by Naohiro Iwai
Tokyo Boogie Woogie (Encore) - Arranged by Endo Yukio

Before we set off for Victoria Concert Hall, we took a lot of photos together.

5/8 of the Saxophone Section

All pumped up and ready to go!

Bleh.

Clement and Farhan.

The Scandalous Jiesheng.
Once we arrived, we wasted no time and begun practising straight away. It was pretty okay, but we just had to make a few adjustments here and there because of the acoustics of the hall. After we finished both halves, the band left (some stayed), and then we practised our Saxophone ensemble pieces.

Gah I was so nervous la, even though it was just us SparksWinds people. Bleh, I don't know why. Mm oh well.

Then we went for break.

After that, we changed, and I went down to meet Putri to pass her Andre's tickets. He was going to be late so I asked her to help me pass them to him. (:

Before the concert started, everyone was wishing everyone good luck for the performance, solos and ensembles. It was quite, exciting, so to say. Haha.

Ahh, this was taken back in December 2003. I miss you guys man. I miss playing in the band with all of you. It's been a pleasure knowing, and playing with each and everyone of you - Serene, Julie, Chun Hui, Liana, Maisarah, May Hui, Kang Wei and all those not in the picture (Yan Qiao, Nisa, Givany, Nadia, Nelita, Joyce, Chee Liong, Haikal & Jurina).

At 7.30pm, the concert started.

It was a great night. It was even better AFTER leaving school. I met Jolene and Carmen outside school, and they joined a group of us that was heading towards McDonalds at Jurong East for supper.

We ended up playing some stupid lame shit game that we just came up with, and it involves money. It's something like truth or dare, but in this game there's only dares, and no truths.. And if you successfully attempt your dare, you win money. If you want your money back, then you gotta do a dare.

It started off with him having to smell my feet. Then I had to help out with the CNY decorations that the people outside of Macs were doing. And it kept going on, winning and losing money. At the end of the night, we got our respective amounts of money back!

**********
Fuck man, I really should've blogged about these events immediately after they've taken place. I really can't remember what else I wanted to say, but it'd be much better if I did it right away, because then, I'd have more things to say (and that sentence just rhymed).

Okay next time I'll do just that. (:

That's about it for January. I've decided that the two other events that took place aren't really important - one's about shopping, and one's about some party that I really shouldn't have gone to because it was such a flop.

Happy Chinese New Year to those celebrating it, and happy holidays to everyone else except those in NYP (HAHAHHAHA), primary schools, secondary schools, JCs and universities.

January Events: NYE

2007-02-18T03:28:00.001+08:00

I've finally decided to start. I found time, hoorah! Okay I'll only be talking about NYE for this entry because after I finished this entry, I realised it's quite lengthy. I'll update on the other events that happened in January in my next entry. (:

New Year's Eve/New Year's Day (311206/010107)
Jolene and I planned a NYE party last minute, and it turned out quite well. (: It's nothing much, just a small gathering for us to celebrate.

None of us wanted to go to a big countdown shit where there'd be massive crowds and traffic and human jams when everyone wants to go home. Bad bad bad idea.

Since the people attending this "party" - Rui Ming, Jolene, Celine and I - are all West side people, we decided to hold it somewhere in the middle - the longkang :D

So here's what we brought:

Lotsa shit I tell you. See the Shieldtox (I know it's mispelt, but I took this from Jolene!)? Initially, we wanted to use that to kill and destroy unwanted visitors (i.e. cockroaches, banglas, senior citizens) but we decided to get creative. Haha, you'll see! (:

We left my house at about 10.30pm to buy 40 pieces of McNuggets. :D Then we went over to the longkang and prepared for countdown! Celine almost missed it, but she made it on time. Hoho!

However, we decided not to follow the conventional count down by following one clock. We decided to follow the clocks on our phones (mind you, all our clocks were showing different times). Every 1 or 2 minutes, one of us would exclaim, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Rui Ming and his Mongolian hat!

Jolene and her bunny ears!

Celine and Jolene's Spongebob party hat!

My Santa hat and I!

Our first meal of the ~~day~~ year: Chicken McNuggets. In the picture, Rui Ming explains, without words, how delicious McNuggets are. Yum! We had all 3 different sauces, and 3 of each. :D Fuck it was good shit.

We sat around, chatted, played games, bitched, throw paper planes, pop poppers, spray that string thingy, poured powder.. and then it just hit us. We found out a new, fun and innovative way to use a can of Shieldtox..

VOOOMM! Fucking awesome I tell you.

We spent the next few hours playing with candles and Shieldtox.

Like some cult like that. =/

The candles melted like nobody's business, haha!

After we got bored of the Shieldtox, we decided to use the Toilet Paper (TP). At first, we wanted to TP the trees, like how those American teens do in high school. But we were afraid that we might get caught in the act, or the police might take samples of the tissue in the morning, and take it to the labs where it will undergo testing, and trace our fingerprints. Then they will come knocking on our doors, forcing us to do Corrective Work Order.

Eh so paiseh please.

So we decided to vandalise something, or rather, someone else. :D

Who better to mummify than the great Jolene? Hoho.

I bet she was secretly enjoying being wrapped in TP. Take a closer look, and you will see the happiness and joy in her face. =x HAHAHAHA! Celine decided that her boobs were feeling a little cold, so she wrapped her boobs with some of Jolene's TP.

Since they loved each other so much, Rui Ming helped to tie them up together! And then we ended up with a.. Joline? Celene? Joce? Cejo? Cejolene? I don't know, you come up with something. Haha.

Blahblah.

Remember I mentioned that the candles were melting like nobody's business? Well, after a few hours of not being flamed, the candle wax hardened (duh). Rui Ming started scraping (sp?) the wax and rolled it into a ball. He proclaimed that he will make it into a big ball, bring it home and tell everyone that its his snot, accumulated since he-can't-remember-how-many years ago.

But eventually, we powdered him, and it looked like a snowman. In the end, he was named Bobby, the Snotman.

Hey Rui Ming, is he still at your house? Haha, take care of him, he has feelings. Alright, what you are about to see, can be quite sensitive to certain people! If you have a weak heart, or are pregnant, please skip this picture, or risk having to bear the extreme consequences.

Are you ready for this?

Please check with your doctor before viewing. =/

Okay here we go.

Mhmm, painful. I know. Haha fuck, you should've seen the way Rui Ming was trying to get the bunny ears off. Fucking hilarious.

We moved over to Enaq to have supper, or was it breakfast.. whatever. It was quite early in the morning, or late at night.. gah I can't decide. So annoying, 4am lah, can't really decide. Neither here nor there, hoho.

We sat under the block, eating our pratas away because the shop didn't have enough space. There was this stupid cockroach that came nearby, and I FLAMED it. It's so much more effective than spraying that Shieldtox. Remember kids, to kill a cockroach, use Shieldtox AND a lighter, or a lit candle. (:

We played some card games, and played Boston on my phone. It became the first song we listen to for 2007. Haha! We hung out a bit more, and went home!

(: I had a great time, but Celine kind of got on my nerves for a bit. Heh. Happy 2007, may your future endeavours come true!

Blah Blah Blah on the Radio

2007-02-17T17:18:00.001+08:00

I officially hate Phuture.

I am never going there ever again. Why?

1. It plays R&B and Hip Hop (on normal nights), and I don't like R&B and Hip Hop.
2. The place is so small.
3. It is so fucken crowded to the extent that there's a human traffic jam. There's no fucken space to walk and everyone's pushing and squeezing to either get in or out of there.
4. It is infested.

God, I am never going back to Phuture unless it plays House or Trance, or anything of that sort, like this Sunday.

I'll be at MoS on Sunday for Godskitchen, and Zouk on Monday for Agnelli & Nelson. Hallelujah to Trance.

Happy Valentine's Day

2007-02-14T07:44:00.001+08:00

Initially I made a Valentine's Day layout for my blog, but I got so lazy to put it up and, so.. yah. I just changed the lyrics that's all.

Happy Valentine's Day to all the couples out there, may you fuck all night long.

It's a special day for four people too! (: Happy 18th to Peihan, Matthew (you bitch) and Nigel from Mass Comm (because I don't know your surname). Welcome to the world of legality. You're now allowed to club, drink, and fuck. :D Happy 19th to Jew Liang, and good luck for your A Level results!

Sooo.. I'm not gonna blog about January just yet. I'm going to blog about my 19th birthday celebrations! :D

And then I got lazy to continue doing the comic, so I'm just gonna write it down here.

I met Joyce, Reina, Timmy, Leon and Daniel (yay new found friend who's uber cool) outside VivoCity at midnight, where they surprised me with a damn cute (piece of) chocolate cake thing. (: No wonder they didn't wanna meet outside St James. So after finishing the cake and the "candle", we went over to Cheers to get some beer, and proceeded to Powerhouse.

The members queue was unusually long that night, but I managed to sign all of them in rather quickly. :D

I would've reserved a table but the kind people of St James told me that they can only reserve it until 9.30pm. Fuck, I was only going there past midnight lah. So anyway, once we got in, we tried to find a table, but there wasn't any.

We settled with an empty area at the bar. After getting clearing the space for us, and being comfortable in our zone (and after a 10 minute session of camwhoring and dancing), I got a bottle of Moët & Chandon, and 6 champagne flutes for all of us.

Yeah champagne is good.

Joyce was already quite gone by the time we reached. She's quite a light drinker. She had one Amsterdam, and at the door she was already quite.. abnormal. Hahaha. Just look.

And after the champagne, she was goneeee for good.

Cheers to good ol' 19, the last time when I actually have a -teen behind my age. Fuck, I seriously can't believe that I'm turning 20 next year. So old already. Soon I'll be 21, and then I'll be going to NS.

I'm actually looking forward for NS. Haha.

Oh God, and I'm eventually gonna turn into a senior citizen! Cannot cannot, I must die before I reach 60. I will die a happy man. I don't want to start hating myself and going senile and doing silly things like, like, like... silly things that senior citizens do. Fuck. No. I will not, grow, old.

Shut up, you're gonna grow old, become a senior citizen, and die too.

Sorry.

So after that round we went down to get jiggy with it. God the music is damn good. They mixed RnB and Hip Hop with House. Hoho, and it's not those kind of cheesy mixes that you hear those amateurs do and upload so that people can download it from programs like Kazaa and Limewire and whatnot.

It's actually good shit.

Even Reina and Joyce, who don't even like House, say so! :D

Oh by the way, Joyce and Leon disappeared for a while after we went to the toilet. So the rest of us went back up to open another bottle. :D

I just had to put that photo up, hehe.

I can't believe that I couldn't even put up a proper smile the entire night. Just look at the pictures. Horrible. We went outside to find Joyce and Leon, and that's when the stupidity and merlions started kicking in.

Joyce was first, then Reina. Hallelujah, puking fest.

Home we go, after one last martini!

**********
Hello there.

In case you didn't know, Putri and Jolene (and a whole lotta people) were the ones who organised my 19th birthday. I didn't know what was going to happen or where it was going to be held or anything of that sort (or rather, I shouldn't have known, haha).

So while I was sleeping so soundly, Rui Ming came over to wake me up. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Hangover. Bad bad bad hangover.

An hour after I woke up, we finally left the house and went over to Sheng Siong nearby to check if they had alcohol. On the way there, Rui Ming saw something that fascinated him.

Shoes. He thought it was cute. Okay lah, it was. Haha.

There was no Absolut Vodka at Sheng Siong, but then, Rui Ming came up with an even better idea. Shieldtox and candles - the very things that we started 2007 with. Aww you wouldn't understand because I didn't blog about it (yet). But nevermind, in this entry, you will understand why it's a great idea.

We bought the Shieldtox, which had even MORE volume now, but we couldn't find no candles. Then we went to Malaysia.

Rui Ming loves Malaysians.

Haha look at how small this picture makes Rui Ming. He looks, miniscule. So ya, at Malaysia, we managed to get the vodka and ice that Putri asked for. Then he blindfolded me and we took a cab back to Labrador Park, Singapore.

Thank you very much for letting me bang into one of those pole things

Suddenly everyone left and I felt I was standing all alone, defenceless. I thought they were gonna throw cakes at me or something. Then I heard a loud "happy birthday", and I took off the blindfold (aka my jacket).

I saw my friends standing in a line, holding flash cards saying, "Happy Nineteenth Birthday Adam!" in my favourite colours - black and orange. :D Ahh sweetness, really. It came as a big surprise and I absolutely loved it.

So that's why Putri asked me to come later. In fact, she asked me to only hail for a cab when she calls. She wanted everyone to be there before I came, but people came late, so she asked me to come later. Haha.

We had the usual cutting cake and all. And yes, the sabo-ing.

Bitches threw a plate of, err, whipped cream I think, in my face. Haha, but its all in the name of love. Hoho. At least I didn't get thrown into the sea like last year. Haha.

Remember I was telling you about the Shieldtox?

VOOOOOM.

Rui Ming the monkey climbed up the red-ant-infested-tree. I had to save him from the horrible red ants, so I flamed on and uhh, tried to destroy all of them. Haha, I felt like a Firebat from Starcraft! Hoho. Rui Ming too, when he was playing with it.

Gah I should use that flamethrower to kill the ~~people~~ one person I hate. He's already fucking black, I should just roast him. Damnit. Okay sorry. I hate him with passion. I'm nice enough, I shant name that fucker.

HOORAY FOR YUHUA! WE BE THE GODS OF.. OF.. OKAY I'LL COME UP WITH SOMETHING SOON!

After I changed, and after there was less people, we opened up the booze and started drinking and playing drinking games. :D

What's a party without alcohol man?!

Her chicken shat on her left boob. I shall call her left boob, Shboob, from today onwards.

Everyone started playing with the shieldtox, and burning everything that was, burnable..

cups.. (by the way, it flattened and it was damn cool)

boxes.. (burn motherfucker, burn)

even Putri tried her hands at burning something! It's recommended as a family activity!

Yeah she flamed a bottle. Then it bent, and Rui Ming said he wanted to bring it home. I can't remember whether he did.

Then we took our last few photos..

..had our last few drinks..

..and did our a few crazy things before we left.

We walked back to Carpark B, and luckily a cab came. But Putri was the only one who was staying in the Central (HAHAHAHA!), so she took the cab first. The cab made a U-Turn at the carpark and left.

We dreaded the walk down because it's really far down. A lorry came down, and I came up with a brilliant idea!

We got off when we reached the main road, and walked over to the bus stop opposite of the old SAJC, took 97 to Jurong East and had supper.

**********

Fucking cheebye the person who took this photo didn't capture the sunset.

Anyway, I'd just like to show my appreciation to everyone who's put so much effort into planning this party, and to everyone who showed up, even though you left early, or you left before I came. I really wish everyone was in the group photo though.

Thanks a million. And I wanna end it with a photo that I really like! It shows so much happiness, and it was the last photo of the day using Putri's camera.

Merry Birthdays and Sweet Goodbyes

2007-02-08T04:08:00.001+08:00

It's February, the month of love..

.. and the month of birthdays (sorry I couldn't resist putting that picture because it's just so fucking sexy). I'm serious, just look at the amount of people celebrating their birthdays this month. It's crazy. I guess there's a lot of Aquarians and Pisceans (is that what you call them?) out there..

.. or maybe I just know a lot of people who're born in the same month!

School's out after today's submission of the Proposal. That means the end of Year 1. I would gladly put a class photo in, but what a shame, we've never exactly taken a class photo together before. But still, thanks for the memories. T102/T107 will be etched in my memories forever.

Despite the initial "sides" that was created in the first semester, I think the second semester has been a good one. We put aside our differences and bothered to get to know each other better. I think it's a good step before ending our first year, because it's useless to dislike one another based on opinions without knowing the person first.

However, some people changed for the worst. Reason? I don't know, maybe because this semester is damn slack, and people slackened, like, really slackened until they don't even know when to prioritise work. *shrugs* I'm not trying to shoot anyone, but that's just what I feel.

New lecturers, new modules, new obstacles; and we've overcome them all. So what's with Year 2 being so tough? Bring it on. But before that, let's party throughout the 10 weeks. Hoorah to holidays.

And after today, I venture into the abyss: the ever mysterious "what happens tomorrow"s. I have so many things planned out for this holiday, and one of them is to work.

Where the fuck am I going to find work? I don't even know what I wanna work as this holiday. I need moolah for the Bali trip at the end of the holidays. (:

Oh and by the way, new poll, and new wishlist is up, so do participate, heh.

PS: I WILL GET MY JANUARY UPDATES ASAP.

Le Monstar

2007-02-04T23:42:00.001+08:00

Presenting..

I said I was going to talk about this, and I am going to, now.

Last Monday, on 29th January, I officially declared Putri Natasha, as Dimwit of the Year 2007. LOL. It was so hilarious. We went to Burger King to eat.

I bought a BBQ Turkey Bacon and Cheese Burger (or something like that) meal. Then I asked her if she wanted some, and she took a bite. Then she saw the bacon and thought it was, the normal pork bacon.

So I played along, and told her that it really was the normal bacon.

"Eh? I thought you don't really care much like me. Oh no. You don't eat ah?" Then I passed a tissue to her to spit it out.

And she did, and I went into a laughing fit. For your information, Burger King is Halal and doesn't serve pork.

PS: I don't eat pork.

---------
After I'm done with my Written Communication assignment, I will update my blog on the whole month of January, as well as do a little bit of revamping. (:

Librarians + Guest Bloggers

2007-01-31T21:16:00.001+08:00

Hello there. I am here to bitch about certain librarians at some library that has been renamed today. No I shall not name which library for I am nice and wish not to spoil the reputation (although everyone who goes to this library already know about them).

(Jolene says hi)

(So does Putri, the one who thinks that Burger King is not halal, but I'll tell you about that another day)

Anyway like I was saying, these librarians are horrendously horrendous (that was stupid). There's this one fat Indian lady, that goes up to you and goes, "Move aside move aside. This one is walkway. Sit somewhere else." And did you know, that the bean bags in the lifestyle library (uh oh I gave it away) on the second (or is it the first) storey, are right in front of the bookshelves? I swear it's so dumb. We can't even sit there.

Oh and did you know that she goes up to people who're sleeping, and go like, "Excuse me, can you wake up and not sleep here?" Just to remind you, it's the lifestyle library, where people don't actually sit down and like, read the books. It's somewhere people just sit down for an R&R session. Shit, you know I think they should just abolish the whole lifestyle library and change it into a hangout place. Ugh.

Then there's the old Chinese woman that has witch-like frizzy hair, who walks around holding a sign that says, "Please lower down your volume" or something like that. Then when she wants people to keep quiet, she'll go stand near the group/person, and just like, stand there, like, ornament.

No not ornament, she's not pretty and useless. She's uhh, like, statue. No cannot. She is of no significance. She's just like, cow dung. Eh no, cow dung is quiet useful too. She's just, stupid lah. If you want people to keep quiet, open your mouth lah. Oh and that Indian lady goes up to people and puts her finger on her lips, like some kindergarten kid or something.

Ohh the women are not the only ones that are horrible. Just today, I encountered the old grey hair-ed man. He's also a nuisance. He just stands there, and keeps quiet. I don't even know what he wants. Annoying old people.

Urgh, anyway, I have two guest bloggers with me tonight. We're currently chilling at Starbucks in Orchard. :D

Putri
Like hello hi. I'm just gonna make this quick. I am in charge of Adam's birthday party thing this year, which will beo n feb 11, sunday. AND HELLO ADAM KEEPS ON RUINING HIS OWN DAMN SURPRISES GRR. SO I NEED MORE PEOPLE TO SUGGEST MORE IDEAS TO ME.

So like, if you wanna get invited to adam's party thing, do contact me at 9092.. uh, maybe that's not a very good idea afterall. Just tell Adam lah, he'll pass the message to me. LOL. See, I'm the like most wonderful friend in like the history of wonderful friends.

p.s. ilovetheoc hehehe.

TIME FOR JOLENE!

Jolene
I will attempt to type fast. On this 2D keyboard. One day I'll have Adam be a guestblog on my blog. Since I'm nice. (And so he won't call me Holene anymore). K bye.

Hello 2007

2007-01-24T04:14:00.001+08:00

Ever since I ushered in the New Year, I've been busy with so many things. All the deadlines for projects suddenly seemed so close, and I hadn't even started on them! It was funny to actually throw my partying mood aside, and actually sit my ass down for long hours to slog it all out.

This semester, I've only got 5 weeks of school (for the rest of you non-mass commers, you've got 2 extra weeks - study break and exam week, fwhahahaha). I'm already on my 4th week, and I have only 3 assignments left. Okay well, 4, if you include the debate ~~tomorrow~~ later.

BY THE WAY.
Could you be a nice person, and do a simple survey on Alcohol please? Come on, a small step goes a long way. Who knows, when you need help next time, a gazillion people will help you! (: Aiyah it's for my Speech. Thanks.

Life's been good this month, unexpectedly too! So many pictures, so little time. I swear, once the holidays start I'll update and put up photos that are supposed to be up. ROTFL.

Okay, I had a great start to the new year. That's one thing that I wanna blog about (unless you've already read Holene's blog). Then it's uh, the day I crashed MI. Then there's my concert, and oh yes, the pictures from Happy Three Friends outing to VivoCity on Boxing Day! Oh and my haircut.

And the serious bitching that I need to do.

>.<

End of Chapter 18

2006-12-31T05:22:00.001+08:00

I'm not exactly 19, but I'll be turning 19 in less than 2 months though.

It's the last day of 2006, thank God. I was planning to be boring and write about the significant events in 2006, but I think you shouldn't be lazy and view my archives. Everything's there.

I'm hungry, give me ten minutes to make myself instant noodles. It's 5.25am right now, by the way.

It took me 13 minutes to cook, and to serve my food. Whao. That's long.

Ahh, the two weeks break from school has been pretty, interesting.. so to say. I shant whine about how I've not been doing my work, and how much I've been partying. I guess I am "simply [an] irresponsible, worthless [person] that [has] no direction in life".

Pretty true, I must say. Dwelling on the past has brought me nowhere really. Being jealous of people is really stupid. But you know, it's just really annoying when you can't control your own feelings. Cliche, yes, but it is true. Come on, you know it.

I've been questioning people's intentions lately. I don't know if people have been genuine towards me or not. As of late, people have been really plastic for some reason. I'm either being too sensitive, or I just can't differentiate anymore because people are being so good at being plastic.

Plastic = fake, good on the outside, two-faced.

It's rather sad when you actually have to question your very own friends' intentions you know. And it sucks that despite having such a big social circle, you still feel lonely at times. 2006 isn't great. It started out well, was okay in the middle, but ended up so shittily (is there even such a word?!).

This entry is useless.

So remember kids, there is no such thing as a happy ending. We all die in the end. Is that very happy ending? No.

Happy (I hate this word) New Year.